Pride&Prejudice

Never stop walking

9999-04-30T04:30:00.000-07:00

[always remind yourself]

2009-01-18T02:37:00.002-08:00

Do I love studying?
I can't seem to be able to tell the difference between
passion
& guilt

I felt restless
if I rest too much
anxiety has a permanent place in my heart
it is
not measured by weight
but by time

it's the hours

that counts

Did you finish reading that book?

Did you finish practising for finance?

Did you forget your friend's birthday? :S

No, don't be negative.
Think summer.
Think beach.
Think serenity.

The thirst for knowledge.
I do like that book. Just that,
maybe it's a little too difficult.

Too little time to digest.

And no one to

cry with me,

when I watch CNN

Heroes have to be born in the right era,
at the right place,
with whatever skin colour
hopefully, regardless of gender.

Keep breathing

Keep

keep,

stack
fold

a piece of me is unwiring
untangling
dismantling
cringing in pain

also
fixing
buying time
rocking to the roller coaster's beat

Do you wanna
fly to the moon together?

so cold, that boiling gust of wind

The moon is
closer than you think
we are closer

than you think

to the moon
to each other.

Now break me a smile
you are not,
not.
not...

just a shadow of the planet.

If I rubbed you the right way

2009-01-06T05:44:00.000-08:00

there exists a certain lacuna
wretched desperation fills it
I know not how
but slowly it pricks me
stretches my wounds diagonally
and brushes me with butter

A toasted slice of bread
left to decompose

maybe I've seen you past your eyes
deeper
behind and
inner
but so what?

Screw those philosophers
they weren't born in my times
but they filled my days with filth
coloured my eyes with prejudices and rudeness

reminiscence is spelt with too many 'i's
but I only wanted to remember you
let me edit my memories
and we'll have the best cut in a zillion years

are you confused?
I am laughing, perhaps because I never knew self-control

Jazz is like sex
My Mr. Right is Nat King Cole
not Martin Luther King
O, the brainless flutter of a young girl's heart, they cried in my face
O, fcuk's better than Dior Guess and Gucci
So fuck off
and build your own utopia

my cat,
and yours
they look alike but did you notice
that their smirks are 360 degrees away from each other's

have a good character
we sleep through winter
through coldness
through shame
through tomorrow

yesterday asked for its temperature
it's 29
it's 29
still warm,
tearfully warm
so not to worry

Nothing's changed.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau Part II: The Confessions (TBC)

2009-01-04T02:15:00.000-08:00

I love this guy >3<

" I had conceived nothing, but felt everything. These confused emotions, which I felt one after the other, certainly did not warp the reasoning power which I did not as yet possess; but they shaped them in me of a peculiar stamp, and gave me odd and romantic notions of human life, of which experience and reflection have never been able to wholly cure me."

"We were sent together to Bossey...in order to learn, together with Latin, all the sorry trash which is included under the name of education"

"All the vices of our age corrupted our innocence and threw a veil of ugliness over our amusements. Even the country lost in our eyes the charm of gentleness and simplicity which goes to the heart. It appeared to us lonely and sombre...We were disgusted with life, and others were disgusted with us"

"..everything went wrong. But nothing disheartened us: Labor omnia vincit improbus*" (*Persistent effort overcomes all difficulties)

"I was put with M.Masseron...in order to learn, under his tuition, the useful trade of a fee-grabber*" (*orginial term: grapignant, a slang term for a lawyer 0_0)

"So true it is that, in every condition in life, the strong man who is guilty saves himself at the expense of the innocent who is weak"

"The money which a man possesses is the instrument of freedom; that which we eagerly pursue is the instrument of slavery. Therefore I hold fast to that which I have, and desire nothing."

"This being understood, it will be easy to comprehend one of my apparent inconsistencies--the union of an almost sorbid avarice (greed for wealth) with the greatest contempt for money."

After a long period of absence from home, Rousseau returned to find his father remarried. His stepmother did not wish him to stay, of course, and his father thus always received him with "the caresses of a father, but without making any serious efforts" to keep him with him.

"From these I drawn the great moral lesson, perhaps the only one of any practical value, to avoid those situations of life which bring our duties into conflice with our interests...for it is certain that, in such situations, however sincere our love of virtue, we must, sooner or later, inevitably grow weak without perceiving it, and become unjust and wicked in our act, without having ceased to be just and good in our hearts"

"He even knew one passage of the Bible in Latin; and, as he repeated it a thousand times a day, it was as if he had known a thousand."

"...when a man desires to read the hearts of others, it is always a bad plan to make a show of concealing his own...She asked me questions with coldness; I replied with reserve."

"Remorse goes to sleep when our fortunes are prosperous, and makes itself felt more keenly in adversity."

" I gained from him...lessons of healthy morality and principles of sound reason. In my alternating tastes and ideas, I had always been too high or too low--Achilles or Thersites: now a hero, now a good for nothing. "

"M.Gaime undertook to put me in my place, and to show me to myself in my true colours, without sparing or discouraging me...He put before me a true picture of human life, of which I had only false ideas..that there is no true happiness without prudence, and that prudence belongs to all conditions of life. He damped my admiration for external gradeur, by proving that those who ruled others were neither happier nor wiser than the ruled."

"...if every man could read the hearts of all other men, there would be found more people willingly to descend than to rise in life."

"...he said: ' My child, in almost everything the beginning is difficult..."

"Why is it that, having founds o many good people in my youth, I find so few in my later years? Is their race extinct? No; but the class in which I am obliged to look for them now, is no longer the same as that in which I found them."

"Such is the fruit of a too lively imagination, which exaggerates beyond human exaggeration...for it is impossible for men, and difficult for Nature herself, to surpass the exuberance of my imagination."

"Tu croyais, vieux penard, qu'une folle manie
D'elever ton neveu m'inspirerait 1'envie*"
(*You thought, you old sinner, that a mad folly would inspire me
a longing to bring up your nephew)

"Then, why not write them?...Why should I? I answer. Why deprive myself of the actual charms of enjoyment, in order to tell others that I did enjoy them?"

" (ideas) come to me when it pleases them, not when it please me."

"certainly he was a man of some intelligence, although a great rascal"

TBC...........

Jean-Jacques Rousseau Part I

2009-01-04T02:00:00.000-08:00

Taken from the Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy:

Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712-1778) is one of the most influential thinkers during the Enlightenment in eighteenth century Europe. His first major philosophical work, A Discourse on the Sciences and Arts, was the winning response to an essay contest conducted by the Academy of Dijon in 1750. In this work, Rousseau argues that the progression of the sciences and arts has caused the corruption of virtue and morality. This discourse won Rousseau fame and recognition, and it laid much of the philosophical groundwork for a second, longer work, The Discourse on the Origin of Inequality. The central claim of the work is that human beings are basically good by nature, but were corrupted by the complex historical events that resulted in present day civil society.

Rousseau’s praise of nature is a theme that continues throughout his later works as well, the most significant of which include his comprehensive work on the philosophy of education, the Emile, and his major work on political philosophy, The Social Contract: both published in 1762. These works caused great controversy in France and were immediately banned by Paris authorities. The end of Rousseau’s life was marked in large part by his growing paranoia and his continued attempts to justify his life and his work. This is especially evident in his later books, The Confessions, The Reveries of the Solitary Walker, and Rousseau: Judge of Jean-Jacques.

Taken from the the Lucidcafé Library:

Perhaps Rousseau's most important work is "The Social Contract" that describes the relationship of man with society. Contrary to his earlier work, Rousseau claimed that the state of nature is brutish condition without law or morality, and that there are good men only a result of society's presence. In the state of nature, man is prone to be in frequent competition with his fellow men. Because he can be more successful facing threats by joining with other men, he has the impetus to do so. He joins together with his fellow men to form the collective human presence known as "society." "The Social Contract" is the "compact" agreed to among men that sets the conditions for membership in society.

Make it work

2008-12-26T05:20:00.000-08:00

Suddenly everything's different.

Colour the window frame

2008-11-21T01:48:00.000-08:00

I thinks something isn't right. But I can't put a finger on what exactly it is.
Yet.

But soon I will.
And when it comes,
say goodbye,
forever.

They say life is not hard;
and that when God close a window, he opens another.

So why the disparity?
Why give him a view wider than I was even allowed to imagine?

Kill me for my appetite,
come.
Greed is the root of all evil.
Naturally any quest to improve life must be an act instigated by the Demon.
Enlightenment.

How can I laugh at the divine being?
Am I not afraid of reprise?

I speak no words
For I was taught only to laugh
and not to inquire about mistakes

Hey, I am incapable of making any.

Instructions make me infallible.
A perfect replica of the template DNA.
I am my own role model.

My window a little cell hole.
The metal grids keeps me from burning the walls of others
the flames charring my own flesh instead
My brittle white ribcage
Find the shapeless organs within
Another imprisonment of my form.
Rigidity both maintains and destroys my sanity.

What are you looking for?
That's the voice of the nightingale.
The growing derangement of mind makes me restless.
I have no idea
but,
kiss my wounded cheeks.

There are some voids which are endless
It's not the end of world.
It's just the end of the pit.

One day I will write you a song
a poetry better than Shakespeare's nonsense
I love
I love
...something.

Whatever it is.

Marks of absolutely no meaning,
Sit at the bottom of the well,
the window invites me to dance.
Moonlight gives me eerie chills

The fairytale ends
with the witch dying in the forest fire.

Give me a potion of life,
its residue corpses
its filtrate silence

At least they escaped the window.

2 people I know are bloody 20 today

2008-11-09T08:44:00.000-08:00

my niang niang and cui hua!!!!!

omg

2008-11-06T17:21:00.000-08:00

My property prof is really freaking me out. I'm glad I won't see any of her after week 15.

The lessons suck. Half of the time I can't catch what she's saying; half the time she's making life difficult for us; and most of the time I'm bored to death.

Property is supposed to be dry, but it doesn't have to be this bad. Mortgage is actually quite an interesting topic. Why does she have to make things so unbearable?

I want to go home. I am stuck in property. I'm always blogging during her lesson. omfg.

it's 1012.2008

2008-10-12T01:56:00.000-07:00

Realised it's been eons since I last blogged. Don't think it's good thing. Blogger inertia can mean two things: either life's been so mundane that its blog-worth is zero, or I'm just really, really lazy.

heckit.

I seldom study very hard and every time I do I tend to end up hating myself. Hating myself because yesterday and the day before was wasted on something not close to studying hard or even studying. Not saying that being a university student, especially a law student, means that you need to have no social life at all. But it does occur to me that when I have had normal social life, I shouldn't been playing during my private time at home on that same day. Yes I ought to be that strict with myself .
You'd think that I'm a retarded stubborn mugger but that'll be dead wrong. I seldom blog. And every time I do, it's probably because something mattered happened or because I started reflecting on my completely hopeless acad results. So, all these words are for the slacker that I am.

Right.

Career success can bring a person so much satisfaction. I need that satisfaction.
I need to study harder. Know what I'm talking about. Bring my point across. Convince my audience. Control my arguments on sensitive issues. And be less liberal and concerned about politics.

Period.

There are still things I don't wish to talk about. Just like everyone else. We have our secrets and little things going on our minds, usually unpleasant things about the world and ourselves blablabla

keep it that way.

It's dirt. Not corruption. We don't need to expose ourselves to the public eye.

This sem has been generally smooth for me. I love my group mates. They all do their job.
And the classes are fine, albeit annoying once in a while.

I'm glad there's ahbu. Every time I'm with her I feel like I have an extra family member in this world. Cute =3=

Looking forward to seeing Gladdie. Ahhhh it's 1012 today. Means a big deal to Jin fans everywhere. He left 2 years ago today. Now let's wait for 419.

It's beautiful world out there.

PS: bimbos are irritating. But house bunnies are LOVE. muack~

hahahahahahaha

><

2008-08-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday CP and Gladdie!

Love you dearies much much =3=

property property and chattels!!!

2008-08-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

Having property lesson~

Just reached a very interesting point on law. Jennifer's talking about the jurisdiction rivalry between common law and equity...
Omg she just bit the cap off the white board marker. Omg, Jennifer hamster.

Okay= =, live telecast. I'm so amazing. (I'm so bored.)

-------after 1and 1/2 hours at 10.19AM--------------------------

Jen: I think we should have our break :)

Us: = = (Finally she realises.)

Jen: So come back at ten twenty ok?

Us: HUH? That's like 1 minutes?

Jen: What? Is it too long?

Us: 0___________0

Jen: I mean, it's 20 minutes. 20 to Eleven right? (So the break is actually till 1040)

Us: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I need a course on "How to understand Law Profs". I mean it.

no it's not dead = =

2008-08-24T23:00:00.000-07:00

This blog exists. I still live. ORZ.

Having financial accounting now. Apparently accounting class is very important, important to the extent that it's part of our school's uni core.

I sucked at math. My JC result slip tells me so. Of course the A level cert says otherwise, but A level certs are always deceiving so let's leave that point aside.

But my seniors say it's not really math. It's actually a lot of theory-based thinking which draws it closer to science than pure arithmetic.

Wu-woah. Hope it's good news for me. Though my sciences are tolerably better in terms of results, but I don't think it's going to be an easy fight.

FYI, I still have difficulties adjusting to the concept of having assets being added to your property and yet getting a debit unit out of accounts. God save me.

And cash, it's under assets; not owner's equity!!! Someone drill that into my skull and imprint it onto my brain membrane. ORZ. I miss bio.

It's not that I don't want to blog. In fact so much goes on in my mind that I'd be glad to get rid of them. Preferably trans-locate them to somewhere without straining on my already exhausted self. For permanent storage.

There are many things we pursue so freaking hard in our lives. I know what I want. Of course I know, you idiot! But I don't know if I want it so painfully bad enough that I will do anything for it. Well.
Maybe not do anything, but at least be willing to compromise some aspects of life that I want to waste on.
I don't know.

I need to speak and write better English
I need to be better at Math because I've depended on my tuition teachers for 12 years.
I want to love my cca more.
I want to hate meat more.
I want to slim down.
I don't want extra blubber on my tummy
I want to treat my parents better. And not get irritated by my mother whenever she asks about gladdie/chloe/zhihui having a bf. I mean, wtf does she care?????
I want to study harder and hate my Internet.
I want to detest it!!! Utterly repel it!!!!
I want to blog weekly at least =.=
I want to wear super high heels and not feel too mighty for Asians.
I want to stop writing this kind of crappy lists which I'll never follow.

....=..=

No matter what, don't lose sight of what you want.
Whether your peers disgust you, whether your prof confuses you, whether your parents over-restricts you , whether you hair frustrates you, whether you house chores scares you, whether world news agonizes you, whether your empty house betrays you,

your heart should never stir.
Be at peace.

August the 5th never ends

2008-08-08T10:15:00.000-07:00

when school starts, you run...in the right direction.

2008-08-02T01:54:00.000-07:00

Life has a funny way of saying " I love you".

And I've a worse way of saying it back.
But it's alright. So long it's communicated at the end of the day.

I stared at the long list of readings but oddly I didn't feel any dread nor disgust.
Yea folks, it's my life.

All tragedies start with an irresistible beat.
And then your pulse races hotly to the frequency of excitement.
I knew I craved danger. Or whatever that comes close to it.

So I sneaked away from my tour group and the rest of the world when Hong Kong greeted me with a grim smile of expectations..
When I was 16.
Even the polluted air thrilled me, I was alone.

Then there was the taste of blood when I argued with bastards who thought they could rule the world with money and vulgarities.
Sorry honey. I'll prove you wrong.

Don't tell me about being overambitious.

I love money too. You have no idea,
But maybe I underestimated my conscious in every way.
I'm less like the stock market than you think.

Say what you need to say. But.
I always say too much. And swallow what I really intended to mouth.

Sometimes countrysides are so beautiful that they are sickening
It wasn't enough. It was never enough.
I wanted to touch, to caress, to harass. The meadows soften the forests in my heart. I almost thought I became a different person.

When you venture far. Where do you go next?

Maybe every step is a step taken towards the inevitable.
And to get closer to home, you need to walk away further.

I loved you when you nodded to the stars that distracted our nights.
And you loved me when I fell in disgrace but never in desperation.
But we were never in love with each other.

Never.

And life never changed its pace for anyone.
And we change ourselves to fit in its transpiration.
Relabel our oxygen and CO2.

You never understand until it becomes impossible.
The bodily fluids, or tears as they are more commonly known,
when they flow

when they freeze

when they forget

when they swear

We start to run. Continue to run.

We need to run
forward, northern side, those were
the best part of not knowing the exact place of happiness.

a lifetime's worth: europe-wrecking

2008-07-12T10:35:00.000-07:00

We went through so much shit that it felt as if I lived another life altogether.

Alright. Start with the fun stuff.
Describe Europe in 11 words.
Mine will be-

pigeons/kebab/dog poo/fairies/history/beer/trains/pickpockets/lipton/LDR/Cui Hua

(Dog poo is not really a word but heck it.)

Pigeons: They are everywhere. Literally. Above your head, below your table, next to your lunch and under your benches. Whether you like it or not; they stick to you like a plague, harass you like an insurance agent and flirt like a shameless tramp (Note: exaggeration included) And oh lord how I hate them. But trust me, you won't want them dead. Seeing their rotten corpses next to your feet while tossing a coin into the pond ain't gonna make you feel any better. Unless you are Hilary Clinton, of course. You CAN'T feel any worse.
Kebab: That Arab Turkish delight thingy to me, is like, pigeons. (Er...) Well, they are everywhere and the thing about humans is that they get BORED after a while. But to be fair I enjoyed my first time eating it.
Dog Poo: In view of their number, I'm surprised I never stepped on one there. Not that I'm complaining. O, another good news is that I'm no longer afraid of dogs. I guess seeing them everyday makes you grow accustomed to their presence. Eventually you may even find them somewhat c...ute. Ahem.
Faries: No we didn't go to disney. = = Sadly this word isn't here because Europe was particularly magical this summer. We just had to swear that F word in a more delicate manner. Cui hua (CH) gave niang niang (NN) the inspiration to this replacement when CH told us about her friend's habit of replacing 'shit' with 'sugar' everytime she swears. What a darling, sugar!
History: What's new anyway? Europe isn't about history. It IS history. Older civilisations always have something to tell and often, you discover pasts that help you make sense of the present. Like how wars centuries ago can result in countries' mutual dissent until this very day, like how national pride and hunger can lead a nation to genocide, and how history is always...recycled.
Beer: I still don't get it. How do the Europeans swallow tons and tons of fermented liquid every meal and not feel sick the next day? Or maybe they do... ...that explains the Iraq invasion.
Trains: Surprisingly we made it home. Even after that night train trip with drunkards, split trains and crazy travellers who stare at you for hours and hours from a cabin window! (Psycho's the right word.)
Pickpockets: Alleluia, everyone's lost something in Europe. NN's ENTIRE backpack, CH's wallet and my sanity! My radar was on 24/7 but it didn't stop my handphone from going missing... I can't say how exactly. It was just... gone. Maybe I left it in the hostel.
Lipton: It's official: I'm totally addicted to Lipton Ice Tea!!! I almost had it everyday while I was there. Oh, the cool soothing liquid is heaven. (Sugar, does this count as advertisement?)
LDR: = . =||| It's what NN is deep down inside. But I still changed ying to NN on my blog because of the Royal Family theme. Back to LDR. She claims that's her because she can't function under hot blazing sun, and that she switches instantly back into nutty personality when night falls. I don't know about you but that sounds like a werewolf to me. The main point is not this though. It's that when LDR tells cold joke, you never find Apollo with you.
Cui Hua: Hahahahaha... I lost count the number of nicknames I gave her but this is definitely the best one~~Sorry, cui hua, you are too cui to be called otherwise. And stop cui hui-ing (destroying) every single electronic appliances you touch!

Hope I entertained you.
For less sarcastic insights into Europe, thou shall click on "niang niang" and "cui hua" 's blogs for more information.

That is, if they updated already.

Europe Aftershock TBC.............................

BYE

2008-06-15T06:31:00.001-07:00

I'm leaving........................................OTLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

SEE ya next month= =

Don't read. Boring long entry.

2008-06-08T06:12:00.000-07:00

I won't really know what you are thinking unless you tell me.
And I guess it's the same for you.
But mind-guessing games, we are never too old for them. Luckily.
When the aeroplane leaves, I will know what I really left behind.
Colours peel off; I age. No one remembers much about yesterday. No one cares.
Friend A says she's finally not bored anymore.
Oh.
Oh. And, you are contented with that.
"not-bored" status. It looks worse than before actually.
So you desensitized yourself.
Just like how we cover up the nastiness that occasionally escapes us.
But maybe I loved those quirkiness.
Maybe to me, that quirkiness is you.
So long, those fading shadows of future, past and present.
It's so hard to put to words. Those mist that petrifies the hell out of me.
Those horrible knocks and twists.
How do we position ourselves. How do we shake other people's hands,
and not squeeze too hard.
How do we jerk off those labels and detach ourselves.
From brands. Their brands. Our foolish investments.
So similar, too similar.
But we are still vastly different.
Your worries, your anxieties, your insecurities.
I can't describe them for you.

We jest. We don't give a damn about people who are too low for us.
If they really are.
Even so, we complain that we never neared the top.
For those at the pinnacle of maturity smirk at our loftiness as well.
Adulthood...if it has any clear-cut meaning.
If it really cuts off our youth from us.
So here we are.
Smiling knowingly. Not really knowing anything.
I picture you. You turn just in time.
Blinding flash, my camera holds you hostage forever.
Forever. You'll be with me, like I understood it to be.
Because all things last forever.
All things last forever.

All things last forever.

Alrightyyyyyyyyyyy

2008-06-03T09:38:00.000-07:00

I shall blab about my exciting life during the summer hols! (yea right)

1) Sang karaoke twice during May. And both at different places!!
(meaning, I kicked the kbox addiction. Er..)
Irene aka et brought me to this place opposite Bugis Junction. Quite a bargain if you ask me. The singing hours are long and the sound system is much more sophisticated than the one used in Kbox. Chinese songs mostly, but there were a few surprises here and there for songs of other languages. For one, Daite Senorita did not come in the form of a middle-aged woman swinging her carpet look-a-like in a semi-deserted park with too many trees and little scenery.
Details: $16 per pax from 11am till 6pm

The place gladdie brought me to is not for everyone= =. I think most songs there are Jap, though she claims that there are other packages for chinese and english songs. And guess what happened that day? Because I sucked so badly at singing Romanji, I ended up singing SUPER old weird chinese songs that were translated into Jap. O my freaking god. I don't have a penchant for oldies!!!
Details: $30 per room from 1pm till 3 pm

2) Movies and movies and movies.
Technically I only watched one in cinema and it was "Sex and the City". Yea I know, pretty R21 right? But aha, it was only M18~ Okies, actually the sex was there for comic relief. The movie is good for the non-sex parts. It discussed some serious issues and well, made you want to smile and enjoy life again. Drama is not only reserved for actresses~

3) Eat.
Nothing much to say. Been exploring the Jap restaurants along Clarke Quay these days. Ahbu was there for one occasion and she ordered this really yummy beef-don omelette wrap. I thought it was worth the money ><... Also tried Waraku and this Ramen restaurant. The former was alright but the latter needs some hygiene check. Found weird stuff in my soup = =, so I ended up paying nothing for my share. But trust me I didn't eat much from the replacement bowl= =

this is bitching

2008-06-03T09:11:00.000-07:00

So maybe we are supposed to be like that.

It wasn't a big deal, but when she said it I nearly wanted to shout at her:

"Will ya stop taking things for granted?"

Snorts.
So this is what it feels like to be someone sweet and gentle. Well then, oops, I'm so not cut out for the pretty role~

Anyway, the stress is getting into me. I really won't know what to do if the embassy does something funny. I mean it!!!!!!!!!!

18/6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This spring: what to watch and what to diss

2008-05-21T23:46:00.000-07:00

O yea, knowing me, I'll be only reviewing Jap dramas.\(=_=)/
Recommended: Last Friends
Cast: Nagasawa Masami (Aida Michiru), Ueno Juri (Kishimoto Ruka), Eita (Mizushima Takeru), Mizukawa Asami (Takigawa Eri), Nishikido Ryo (Oikawa Sousuke)
Start Date: 10th of April 2008
Station: Fuji TV
Theme song: Prisoner of Love by Utada Hikaru

This show is actually all about love at its most twisted forms. Look at this pic, screams domestic violence doesn't it. Oh, angst, angst, angst.
The home that you always wanted, the love you thought you finally found; who knows? They may just be the foreplay to a greater misery.
Entertainment award: Zettai Kareshi
Cast: Hayami Mokomichi (Tenjou Night), Aibu Saki (Izawa Riiko), Mizushima Hiro (Asamoto Soushi)
Start Date: 15th of April 2008
Station: Fuji TV
Theme song: Okaeri by ayaka

What if your ideal boyfriend can be made to order? He cooks, he fetches and he pampers you. Only.....he's a robot ><

Best avoided: GOKUSEN III
Cast: Nakama Yukie (Yamaguchi Kumiko), Namase Katsuhisa (Sawatari Goro), Anan Kenji (Wakamatsu Hiro), Kaneko Ken (Asakura Tetsu)
Start Date: 19th of April 2008
Station: NTV
Theme song: Niji by Aqua Timez

The disgust I feel for this show is simply beyond words. The 20 minutes I spent on fast forwarding the 80-minute-show was pure torture! ARHHHHH! Gladdie!!!!!!! I think only you can understand my pain.

O right, but if you are wondering why I'm sort of over-reacting. That's because Namase Katsuhisa is a freaking copycat, who of all people, decides to impersonate Jin's previous character!! The one and only 隼人~!
So, obviously Sawatari Goro ends up looking lamer than ever when he has no character of his own. Stop trying to be Hayato because when you try too hard to become someone else, you only end up being no one!!

Darling, maybe I can forgive you for holding such great admiration for Jin, but, that's it. I won't love you for it.

And it's too late for that anyway. I won't touch Gokusen 3 unless Jin asks me to. (="=)b

囧。

2008-05-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

I needa blog or else I'll waste away.
Can't leave this blog to die, can I?
(Actually why not.)

Alright I wanted to post my recent photos up today but my dear camera's battery is flat. Again. = =
Sounds like an excuse I know, but trust me, it really ain't.

Ya whatever. Went down to school to waste my youth this afternoon.
Ushering is one sucky job because it forces you to stand in those disgusting pain-inflicting court shoes the whole day. Ah! My skin is peeling off! Look at those proteins!!!
Keep keep bleeding...keep keep bleeding= = (yea, that song)
But thank god I had candy, ping ping and joy joy ;D
..........By the way Ping Ping's bf calls us the "F4".
Ahahahahahah.........excuse me while I die of laughter.

There's CCA tomorrow. I can't wait.......to skip it.
Gosh, why does it have to at that time of the day where I'm enjoying my sleep the most?
9 AM is just the time of commencement. Do they remember that we need at least 20 minutes to change and arm ourselves (orz) in that god-knows-what piece of acrylic armour?
Do they remember that we need to moan in our beds, slam that freaking annoying alarm to death, then drag ourselves to that tiresome wash-up before eating that revolting portion of breakfast before we can march our way to the train?
And lastly, please think of the time I need to spend on that Mass Rapid Transit vehicle because simply put IT IS NOT a rocket that can zoom to school in a hell 3-second-motion!
My point is, I need to wake up at 7 and leave at 745 if I want to be reasonably ready for this CCA.
7! On a non-schooling day! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Alright, I'm PMS-ing.
This time it's POST.

...= =

= =

2008-05-04T23:55:00.000-07:00

Holiday~ Whee!

A: Ahbu
B:
C: CamWhore
D:
E:
F: France
G: Germany
H:
I:
J:
K: Karaoke
L:
M:
N:
O:
P: Pride & Prejudice Play!
Q:
R:
S: Sucky results
T: Twenty (sigh)
U:
V:
W:
X:
Y:
Z:

I NEEDA FIND INCOME

2008-04-27T04:26:00.000-07:00

MONEY, money, who doesn't need it?

Give it to me then.

UNDISCOVER

2008-04-27T04:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel I hardly knew you.
Those little things you hid inside;
things you chose to keep within your lips,
perhaps for the same reason I kept mine away. But O, such secrecy I hold dearly to my heart.

Was it you I teased wearily all these years?
Was I too tired to know you deep inside?
Or was it just your clever warmth that painted me my NeverLand?

Maybe distances are mere mirages;
waiting for us to step at it.
Maybe this life is more than a catus runway;
one day we'll stop pricking each other in experiments.

And it will rain like hell is close to heaven again.

一瞬の風になれ

2008-04-22T08:57:00.000-07:00

I'm surprised. Really!
Initially I thought it was just one of those lame high school sports drama revolving around friendship, setbacks etc.

Well actually this show had all those mentioned (= =) but it also talked about gaining self-confidence, and overcoming all sorts of weird complexes.

Oh I'm so glad I watched it after all.
Even thought it started out as pure fangirling over Uchi Hiroki and Ryo Nishikido...haha it's a blessing that it turned out to something much more meaning.

Thanks for reviving me again boys.
Life is all about turning frustration into strength.

PS: Ryo is soooo shuai~~~~~~~kya~~~~~~~~~

I can only try

2008-04-22T07:52:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's just me.
nothing to do with the rest of the world.
just inherently powerless.

No wonder the advice was always: be stronger, grow stronger my dear.

...but how?

I hate my weaknesses too :(

...how?

For Your Information I'm Still Alive = =

2008-03-22T02:32:00.000-07:00

*You make me cringe, my love

Now I wished you boil ever in fever.*

Don't ask. It was just there.
I know you don't read my blog but I decided to post this anyway XDDD
O we and our idiocyncrasies :)
Darling the lighting sucked.
Well who else was taking the photos. Goodness. Zombie award to all of us.
YES, I know. ACT CUTE. Hmph. Whatever.
Gladdie just permed her hair so this is not the updated look.
...0.0!!! Why did you have to disgrace me by making me post these??!!
Argh. Puffer-fish.
...never complete without a little ahbu-ness:)

To Ning: Sorry!!!! I can't believe I missed your birthday celebration!! I shall make a joke out of you as compensation!!

To Gladdie: See, your big pretty photos are up. I know you always wanted a desktop background with me and you in it riiiiiggght? Now your wish has come true XDD

To Ahbu: I shall meet thee at the Pride & Prejudice play this Saturday...YAY!!!! My Bennets! My Darcy!!! Those actors better be good!!

To Ying: ORZ, so you can tell....even though I managed to keep myself alive but my sanity is half gone...for good. I'm going UK embassy tomorrow to check things out...

To Chieh: I disappeared to the darkest corner of my school campus to mull over the papers....

To Bekah: Er, ya. Haha it's quite obvious right. I kinda of slacked off in every aspect of my life...and OH when are we going out??

To Dad: Hey you, you promised to organize an outing didn't ya? Wah don't try to run away! Post-exam activities...:)

To CP: Can't wait for the Kbox-session next week, oh no wait, Tiong Heng Session I mean...whatever the name.

Hope I didn't miss out anyone...the tagboard has word limit so it was inconvenient la.

*Let's peel off your little layers

take a look at those bright true colours*

It doesn't hurt to be random

2008-03-16T03:01:00.000-07:00

I return to flash my collection...heehee~*

Gokusen II, in case you haven't heard.

There're only 2 idols in this pictures. The rest are props and construction workers.
~369~
Erika Toda, best known for her role as Misa Misa.
Anego lady
Actually I can't see his face clearly...so forget identification.
Toma's life didn't turn out the way he planned it to be.
Hearts casual smart~

Random guy= =
Horikita Maki
She's cute...if only she didn't....>.< She's a major tearjerker.
She's my age.

Akame, even though I hate to use this term. (PINNNNNNNNNN!!!)
Taguchi is...weird. Someone needs to wipe that smirk off his polished face.

Yamaki, my love.
Ahhhhhh~dai suki des~~

Love their chemistry, love their characters...I love this CP!
...Oh, this one is forgettable.

Coughs* I need a ToMaki picture.

AU= amigos
What I love most about my favourite CP-----a third party :D
HUGZ!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

XDDDD

....Diao. I've a million and one things to do. All thanks to tort, BGS, LTB & LRW...

AND YUCK! AHBU I AM SO DISGUSTED! YOU LIKE KOIZORA?!!!

OMG GLADDIE WHERE ARE YOU!! SAY A WORD OF JUSTICE MAN!

RDC concrete is a solid case (LOL/law)

2008-03-07T06:47:00.000-08:00

I screwed my dear Rover's memo, tort mid term and contract exam and therefore have no wish to speak of them ever again considering that they've done permanent damage to my wounded and broken heart.
= =
Anyway that sentence if spoken at one go makes me breathless.

And now...picture time!!!

If all 24-year-olds look like this maybe I can pass off as a student at 39.

Yes you are trapped; you are trapped in this 2D picture that's what. LOL.

Yada~ don't give me that~~

The comic relief in Yuukan club series really = =-ed me to death.

If anyone has an attitude, it's him.

But no one can beat o-joy-Johnny.

Just posting this to make gladdie happy :)

Disclaimer: this is not by me~

Yamap has this standard stoned-look 24/7.

...but there are rare exceptions.

===================================

The times we carved out in moments of carelessness

someday they'd become wonderfully healed blisters.

==================================

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

2008-02-27T23:34:00.000-08:00

HA-HA (dry laughter)

Today is the ultimate day.

唱歌唱到走音跑拍破音你要什麽我就有什麽。

Can't you tell that what a perfect condition I'm in today?

But that's not why I'm in a such a GREAT mood.

I just can't stand school starting so fast....I can't I can't I CAN'T!!!!!!!!!

HA.

How I wish I can dig my heart out and detach it from my brain.
我不是好人。

***************the disgustingly happy and sinful line***********

Ahem, anyway, today miss angsty is gonna give ya a lecture on how to get alcohol for free.
FOC.
Very simple.
First, get your butt out of the house.

Secondly, make sure it's a Wednesday night.

Thirdly, go to a pub or a club.

Fourthly, make sure you're a girl *fakes a plastic smile*

It's ladies' night baby!

Female babies!

HA.

So what if I'm a sexist?
And so what if I doing this right in your face?
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO ME?!!

*fakes a plastic smile again*
The above information is from cp. Thank her!!

*********emo time (sort of) ************************

Introduction: HAHAHA.

Sometimes you ask me:

" Why fight at all?"

then look me in the eye.

O so, how should I retaliate?

...with all the love in the world.

Hear me curse...you idiot.

"Sugar honey"

"Precious Pearl"

"the Day you stop PMS-ing, you cease to care."

"O no,"

"But I love you."

And burst! You ended.

2008-02-25T21:45:00.000-08:00

I promise I'll be a good kid.
I promise I'll study hard.
I promise I'll not go out so often.

= =

Warning: the post was written in a moment of insanity! Don't say I didn't warn you: CHU~~ ahahaha

2008-02-25T10:51:00.000-08:00

MISSED ME????

HAHAHA!!! I know you did, don't be shyyyyyyyy....Awww come here come here ^^

ANYWAY.
Apparently I've slacked off too much...
I mean, why else do I see gladdie asking me to update when she herself is -------------o well, whatever.

Wait, it is you right?
I mean, I can't imagine another soul who'd tag using that kind of useless ID

Ya so whoever it is, after this series of spamming, do you think it'll be a sane thing for me to reply on the tag board? A bit messy nia?

reply here reply here: (waves~~~)

To onigiri:
OHU~
what's the point of telling me you're having break?
Wanna date me is it?
*winks*

(OMG that was me. I think.)

Well, depends on when you wanna see my face...
I kinda need to show it quite frequently this week during meetings...

And...you painted your nails...WOOT. Let me guess, black? HMMM?? RIGHT?? Muahahahahaha........you naughty Lolita.

(OMG that was me, again.)

O man just to tell you one more thing~~~ I think my PIN addiction is getting from bad to worse! WAHAHAHAHAH and I don't give a damn about what you think!!!!!!!!

To chieh:

I dated my law books for Vday too! Ain't that great??
O YAAAAAA if things go right we (ying2 & me) shall see you in JUNE!!!!

To Dad:

In the end we didn't go out at all =.= what the hell...
BUT it's ok...we can blame it ALL on AHKAR!!!

To ning:

I know you like pink, so ya.
Well I'm glad the top I picked was ok...but I know it wasn't really your type~~
Next time next time ok??
And geez, I seriously can't get over the yue fei thing...I'm DUMB!!!

To huiwen:

I replied...
o man I so love ya~~~ let me confess!
YOU SAID YOU LOVE JIN MORE AND MORE RIGHT!!!! ?? mUacKS~~
Here's another YAMAP CUM JIN LOVER~~~~~~~~
世界太美好啦！讓我死吧！！

I've been eating and eating and eating

2008-02-09T02:01:00.000-08:00

So nice!!
Yingying did french manicure for me! &^%$#@*!!!!!!!

I love it~~~ The colour, the smooth coats and the shine!
O man......that's why girls should keep long finger nails...pretty pretty...
(don't burst my pink bubble)

Anyway I know it's CNY and I should be a good girl and I shan't be cursing...BUT damn! I have 1 written assignment, 1 oral presentation and tort mid-year on the same freaking week!! Ah!!! I hate week 7! CP you do realise how screwed we are don't ya?

And there's BGS essay too!!! It's due that week as well!! I just realised!

And LTB...the weekly torture...made worse by my TA's presence..

Need to skip CCA like mad...I CMI le...

...I don't want CNY to end...AM in denial...

no title

2008-02-05T08:28:00.000-08:00

I'm damn pissed off with this guy...why can't he freaking mind his own business? bloody mood spoiler...

=========the line which separates the moods=============

There's probably a crack in my heart.
Which I tend to cover up with all that fluff

If only reality wasn't that stupid...
If only those people didn't mess up my life and theirs...
If only...life was FAIR...

But it isn't. And it's so cocky about it that I never quite got rid of the slime I lubricated my spikes with...

Imagine if I just charge into the crowd with my full-fledged skeptism, bloody nightmare. Blimey, it'll be a disaster...far worse than WWII or Osama with the nuclear toy...

The evening CNY celebration in school nearly jerked a tear out of me...No, I wasn't emo-ing FYI. I was just...eating my cup noodles in 7/11 with YS.

At the same time people-watching of course.

I'm not alone. I know I'm not.
But I don't know if that fact makes me stronger or weaker...or neither.

The point is...I nearly had the urge to stand up and run...

What's important...
What's impossible...
What's incomprehensible...
What's unnegotiable...anything...everything...
they are just bits and pieces falling through the celling window of my mind...

I saw this line somewhere. It's more apt than anything else...

黑夜，黑夜，你不要碎成碎片。

...If I follow you, will you get me through the night?
Or...just break it into dawn for me?

Alas, Fadedawn...so I see...

==========the line that marks the return of bitching=======
This friend of mine called me a bimbo...
Totally bizarre...and WRONG!

the one where i can't be bothered

2008-02-03T09:12:00.000-08:00

it's not dead...it's the blogger that's dead...

dies...

you can just tell what kind of pathetic state i'm in when i don't even bother to insert the proper capital letters...

if you haven't noticed, i'm quite particular about all these...

but not for today...i'm dying and i'm crazy because i'm blogging 1am in the morning...

but i guess it's better to keep records of my life...then one day i'll have things to remember about...

i hate ltb...i hate my t.a. even more...my group loathes her...
haiz...shall not bitch about her...even though i doubt she'd read my blog...

my life is so full of such idiotic people...no wonder raymond kept cursing 'holy shit'...o man...he's really quite a rare breed...no f*s from him.....yet

anyway i like gary's song: mei mei yao kuai le ...omg i'm completely gone...can't even be bothered to type chinese...

i hope there isn't any grammatical errors...that's the bottom line...i mean it... if anyone finds one, please p.m. me...i'll correct it...

geez is this a symptom of OCD?

...and tell me you know what p.m. is....it's means private message...
ok you know what, just tag...i hate emails...

but not ones where people write to each other to save themselves from boredom...
i thank yu ning here...

sian....

花魁

2008-01-29T02:33:00.000-08:00

ps: the text below, if you can't read...well it's normal...it's not simplified chinese...

Maybe i don't want you to read in the first place...

太陽雨
溫暖的感覺
着涼的心驚

我果然還是軟弱
所以說
自憐自艾的人
沒有權利迷惑

不是沒有堅持
也不是想證明什麽
也許懵懵懂懂裏
人類只需要短淺的目標

我看到了
你不要以爲我不知道

所以我鄙視你
最好能踐踏你
我也會阿
捏碎別人的心你以爲有多難

淋溼的瞬間
有過錯覺
以爲時光倒退了
我沒有傷痛
你沒有偏見

不是你想得那樣
還可以狡辯
那種稍縱即逝的酸楚
我只能藏在黑暗裏

你的煙火太急躁
但是客氣還是必須的
太明亮的是你
何必逼我看你消失呢

也許就是這樣
還在追逐
幸福還是保持距離
但絕望也暫時緩慢

且慢且快
我
紫黃色光圈
我
池塘裏一地湖水

何必爲了雨水醉倒呢？

Don't, don't you dare think about it

2008-01-26T22:37:00.000-08:00

School does stupid things to people.

Don't think about penguins.

Just don't think about penguins.

That's the secret to not falling asleep in class.
I can't explain it to you. Think about it yourself.

cold

2008-01-24T20:25:00.000-08:00

Life , using the words of xx xxxx, is 'major sian'.

I'm bored. Not because I've nothing better to do. It's more like, I don't wanna do anything that I should be doing.

I know everything they teach are useful. Aren't they all? That's why they are there. That's why I paid the school fees. That's why I sleep at 2 a.m. everyday. That's why employment rate of smu graduates is 100%. That's I sat through talks after talks. That's why I try hard to keep awake during ethics lessons. That's why I look forward to meeting friends. That's why I'm drink. That's why...

they say...there's no Y in happiness.

Ask me why I'm upset.
Ask me why I'm happY.

But, don't. Don't ask about happiness. There is no Y in it.

Don't look through the hour glass. Don't filter your unspoken words. Talk to me. Reach out for something, something greater, something better. We are not transparent beings.

And you don't have to drown if you swim.

So watch the tide. I can be your guiding light. But you'll need to bring me to shore, bring me to peace.

It's cold, a little cold outside.

Sumi

2008-01-18T21:23:00.000-08:00

Ok ok! I'll blog, I'll blog.

Sumi came back from Australia! After 1 year, she's finally back to visit us.

I brought the group of them to timbre for a drink.
The thing is, last night was a friday and I've never been there during weekend. So I totally didn't expect that we had to queue for THAT long. We, what, waited for half an hour or so? Geez, the world's gushed down to pubs on weekends.

The band was cool and we all agreed the lead was great. Someone from the audience got so high that he ran up the stage to dance. Hahahaha...

For the drinks I ordered Illusion; Chole ordered Sex on the Beach (haha); Anggie had Fruit tingle and Sumi had Sea breeze.
The alcoholic concentration of cocktails is definitely higher than beer and I felt a bit floaty after drinking 300ml of the jug. It was a pleasant floatiness though, not the kind that makes you dizzy in a nauseous way.

I've NEVER seen sumi with that red a complexion before. I think she was quite tipsy last night. Probably close to getting drunk. Sea breeze wasn't that much of a breeze for her afterall.

I wanted to catch the last train but damn, I was 3 minutes too late.
Half cursing, I walked to the nearest bus stop only to realise the last bus left as well.

So, cabbie ended my day.

On the way home, the taxi driver kept complaining about how easily they'd lose their licenses if they got drunk.

Like, der??? You aren't supposed to drink when you are WORKING. You can KILL if you are not careful. It's not like you are a waiter or something. The worst you can do is trip over your customer's polished leather shoes and break a few porcelain cups. Your frail little life will still be intact after the mess.

Some people just don't get it!

pursuance

2008-01-14T18:31:00.000-08:00

There's this bright side of life that we always must direct our sight at.

Whether or not our legs are trapped in quicksand is secondary.
....the very least you die in peace.

Positivity is productivity, so positivity is actually practicability.
It's not healthy, though, to look at things from a purely mechanical angle. So we inject some diversity. We require variations. Or maybe, we just need more convincing justifications.

If rainbow has 7 colours then the world cannot be divided into black and white. Similarly there are more than 2 sides to an issue.

The options are open. Negativity is not the only alternative. There is still this creature called plain apathy. Most people adore him.

Because they acknowledge the downsides of being pessimistic and do not understand the essence of optimism, they chose to stand in between. From another point of view, it's probably a weakness in decision-making. Surely there must be a slight inclination towards either. Withdrawal is often cowardice.

If life is a ball game, then most people, instead of playing it, are wasting it.

Because there is another game that they have gotten completely drawn into.
The love affair with money.

But surely people with positive attitudes succeed easier than those who indulge in self-pity. If he is a salesman, he is a cheerful salesman. If he is a president, he is a cheerful president. Why won't people prefer him to another sulky individual?

The very fact that people are drawn to people with upbeat personalities tells a lot. It's in our nature. Even though we may attempt to suppress it, we never resist it for long.

If our darkest desires must be named, then it'll be to live a most merry and prosperous life. But who said it has to be dark.

So, play the money game. But play it with a smile.
Why get all ugly at all?

PS: I was just in the mood for a non-law non-ethics non-leadership essay

monday woes

2008-01-14T08:01:00.000-08:00

I just realised that there's really a limit to which I can push myelf. It's concrete and solid. Just right there. Here. Now.

I felt it today at 645am when I struggled to wake up. I felt it still as I sat through LTB lesson from 830 to 1145. It continued to nag me from 1230 to 230 as the project meeting went on. Contract lesson from 330 to 715 just did it. I felt dead.

Like a freaking bar of corpse. And why the hell is that?

Because for the first time in my pathetic life, I bothered to read the cases on the recommended text and made a summary for them.

Seriously blood is choking my throat i.e. I can puke blood anytime.

Anyone in the mood for a holy blood bath can summon me to his/her civilian household. It's the incredible never-before chance of your life. Now or never. Die or deliver.

Ya whatever.
I'm not good at self-mockery.

@#$%&^%$#@ second entry of the day

2008-01-11T21:24:00.000-08:00

Ok apparently I was emo-ing in the previous entry. (I didn't plan to blog again today)

ANYWAY, I just read yu(space)ning's blog....(ahbu get it into your head, there's a painful space in between the two words, but pain alone does not excuse you from omitting the space) and reading it was probably the most amusing thing I've done in weeks...Not that I haven't had a good laugh during the period but.........erm...........you know, the feeling that......the world is indeed getting weirder...is uh, getting real. Let's just put it that way

HAHAHAHA... ... I'm not saying that her chinese is not fluent. In fact I think it's superb!! (no sarcasm or anything related to it) And I'm totally impressed. All the way from my bone marrow out to the peripheral skin.
My dear, you're such a pro (even though you insert english at awkward intervals).

Just something unrelated. It really takes a blog entry to get to know someone's hidden sense of humour. (if it's considered one...) OMG SHIRLEY what happened to you!!!? I don't know what to say!!!!

I'm sorry for being so high about something so odd and out of the way....but it really rubbed me the right way... I thank you yu ning...Please continue to entertain me for the rest of your blogger-life... It's a true waste of the earth's resources to let your talent lay hidden beneath the pile of lab sheets... Please spread your glow (firefly is the word of the day) to everyone else and illuminate my dull notes-reading life...this is getting crappy and I'm not maintaining my sanity...so I guess I shall end here and end your agony.

I spare thee most graciously!!!

I hate watching news

2008-01-11T20:45:00.000-08:00

I hate all these unreasonable and irrational expectations about life!

It makes living disgusting. Every moment anticipating like a fool even though nothing is ever going to work. It SUCKS.

Whether it's politics or economy, the world is just in a coherent mess; it's all about a dirty money-game that we play.

And my ribs are starting to hurt. To think this kind of youth angst was supposed to have faded along with puberty! Apparently there are more scientific lies than anything else.

I mean, even Macdonalds can claim that it sells healthy food. What's next? Santa Claus is pink?

You know what, when that time comes I'm just gonna say it right in that fat guy's face: I saw it coming!!

rebekah

2008-01-06T19:53:00.000-08:00

She's sitting beside me, complaining about school. Hahaha..

Actually I'm quite glad my first lesson's over. It feels better. I was freaking restless last night while making futile mental denial of facts. What the heck. Waste of brain cells.

By the way I'm addicted to milo. Dark concentrated milo rocks!!!! It's part of my daily diet.

Widad where are you? And my MIA class twin? Now I can't go for lunch...

(music starts) wherever you are, whatever you do, I'll be always right here waiting for you...

Nah, forget it. Definitely not always. Just 5 minutes more.

new term? YUCKs

2008-01-01T07:23:00.000-08:00

Cooked dinner for my family tonight.
Totally screwed it!

PS: my laptop is down :(
using my dad's comp now...

[SHINDO Publicity Poster]

My cyber friend recommended this...
This guys (smiles*) is L from Death Note
...hotoni!

Exclusive! Changi Prison

2007-12-27T22:19:00.000-08:00

I will never forget how Mr Rocky Francisco, Cluster A2 officer-charge, kept repeating how lucky we were to be able to tour the prison.

' We are not a zoo.' the lean middle-aged man said curtly.

I didn't laugh. It was actually funny if you looked at it in a self-satire manner. He was being so crude and plain about their plight, and he was making a dig at all the curious and grouchy civilians in the world. With all due respect to the sacred kingdom of black humour; being a trademark of free speech and all, I couldn't manage a smirk.

People are getting hanged a few walls back.

I took bus 39 then 5 to get to the Changi Prison Link. The place looked more like a factory then anything else. Only the walls gave it away. Too many barricades.

Perhaps I was oversensitive. But the people all looked gloomy. Even if the reception area is fully air-conditioned, even if the staff were friendly, even if the parking lots had cars of all colours, if even my classmates were all smiles... ... I felt disturbed.
But I didn't show it.

They sorta brainwashed us for 1/2 hour. It was a surprisingly-formal and detailed briefing. Even though we were just students, they obviously took us very seriously.

We took a bus into the A2. There were unknown numbers of gates that we had to go through and the bus moved like a Caterpillar.

Eventually we got into the prison. But before that we had to go through this heavy metal bar-door which for a moment made me wanna back out because it looked like it would snap shut anytime.

Mr Rocky started showing us around and we all went inside an empty cell. 3 prisoners have to squeeze in one and their toilet was only separated from their stuff by a 20 cm tall 'modesty wall'. They slept on the hard ground, have no pillows. Curfew and lights-off time is at 830pm. No poker cards allowed. Wake-up time is 730. I don't know how they pass their long nights.

By the way, the odd number of prisoner is such that in case of a fight, there can be a witness.
...
And so that it becomes inconvenient for people to get caught up in unnatural acts. Er.

Next we visited the sports hall. It was their recreational time so some of them were playing spots already. You won't realised that half of them took their tops off because they are almost entirely covered in green-blue tattoos. *shivers*

I learnt that if a prisoner wore a Tee with a blue collar, it meant that they are more hard-core/highly-dangerous criminals. I don't wanna know what they did to get this privilege at clothing.

Actually the tour was really short. We were not shown the place where the most culpable prisoner were held. It was in A1. People there either get hanged or have sentences as long as life-imprisonment.

Was it me or did the prisoner all look aggressive?
Don't let the past harden you.
It's not worth it.

the french show

2007-12-21T04:19:00.000-08:00

I don't like the ending of the movie I watched today. Dreadful.
Anyway there isn't much to blog these days when I'm busy with CIP.
Basically CIP is meaningful, but unbloggable.

Yep, and Mr. X is a normal person.
Normal but warped person.

................

Nah.
Just kidding.

the microphone on the block of wood

2007-12-15T04:21:00.001-08:00

" It looks like a block of wood.

It is a block of wood.

No no no, YOU are THE block of wood. "

ORZ to the max.

Despite what it seems, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium is not a comedy and I'm not bing leng nor did I melt. Thank you ah ning.

Ok fine I probably teared a bit but she's exaggerating. Come to think it I don't even know why I got all indulgent in the atmosphere of the show. I don't think it's because the movie was really that depressing. I guess facing death (not dying itself) is tricky (?) Anyway I prefer not to even think about it. But thanks to the wonders of ahbu, I got tricked into watching something totally unexpected, again.

There many ways to interpret the movie and I'm not at good at giving movie reviews, so I'm hiding behind a poem again. (You may skip to the kbox part)

Tribute to Mr M.
(I kept seeing M&M's ads on the train yesterday. Maybe I should pun it. Or have I already? Ok seriously this is ENTIRELY out of point.)

Anyhow
Pitch-dark night
Pretend
to sleep

Cover eyes
Dark rings down under
Wipe cheeks
Shrug those pessimism
Hear peace
Clear peace
Only peace

Painful silence actually
cutting at my throat

Curl those sore toes
Toss away listlessly
Lie on one side
Never run away

Breathe
Flutter
It's not as though
the world ends
tomorrow
at 430

Close in
I can't deal with everything
at one go
That Just-guy
I screeched at him
" You did it
You are successful
You are successfully a jerk "

I see you
Managed a weak smile
Extraordinary Last Day?
more like Armageddon
Despicable you are
I can't even unleash my willfulness

The most choking feeling
To try to grab on to passing time
Laughing just because it's the last chance
I'm helpless

Can't you tell?

But O Eric,
boy with soft eyes
Big unorthodox hats
Stars stars stars
glowing and covering like a carpet

" I think he means he's going to heaven "

Innocence is magic then
Dont you think?

KBOX
Ok drastic change of mood. I think I'm really going to have a split personality someday.

Anyway anyway anyways~~
what do you expect when you go kbox with ah ning and ahbu?
Unlimited unexplained rush of adrenaline.

Zui jin hai hao ma and bai gei ni are not out yet. If not....someone will just explode in excitment.

Yue ya wan is freaky! So are zhang shao hai's songs. I sucked at hitting high notes, ah ning you are the Superwoman who can cover the entire range of sound waves audible to human ears. And impersonate all three singers in S.H.E. Like, what are you made of?! Ok I admit I'm quite obsessed with this ability of hers so I spammed many many S.H.E songs for her to sing. Hey sorry if the S.H.E songs took up too much time, I should have left some time for more xiang xiang songs. But seriously who can resist making you singing tai-ge? Omg dou ying 0.0!!!

Ya and as usual we just kept bursting out laughing half-way singing. I don't know what's so funny but it just happens. Diaoz. I had duck rice for klunch! So much fats. Yuck. But it tasted better the fish. Maybe it because I don't like the garlic sauce they drown the fish in. Either that or I was really hungry. The rest of the side dishes were eeeeksy yucksy....I hate the soggy tako. Thankfully ahbu liked the sweet potato so she had mine. I don't wanna get struck by lightning nor nagged by jessie for wasting the 'sweat [of the farmer] that drips to the ground'.

By the way I think ahbu has potential to sing like a pro. If she picks the right song. Hugz. She's so cute as usual [heart shape]. Ah ning! Please keep long hair k? I think you'll look quite 正. Don't roll those eyes at me.

And what's up with Thursday man?

Liar Liar....
pants on fire :D

100th post :D

2007-12-13T06:43:00.000-08:00

Yay I remembered!
WARNING: long post.

Haha ok anyway, I finally went kbox with krab and anggie on Tuesday!! Yipee~~~
Krab kept singing emo songs while I just picked jolin songs to watch her new MVs. I don't know what I was doing that for....I mean, there's youtube right? But I just couldn't resist it when anggie said there was this guy that I must see. Unfortunately he turns out to be average-looking. 0.0
Ah ning~~ there isn't 你最近还好吗yet....

More shopping on Wednesday! Spent $64 when I went out with ava and joyce. I wish I didn't ask them about grades because it really made me depressed about my AS grade. I'm quite fine with my law modules because I guess I just got average grades. No big deal but AS is SO screwed. Freaking SCREWED. >.<

Today was training day for the blood donation drive 'Truly Magical Christmas'. I slept too little last night so I could barely open my eyes during the briefings. The spokesperson emphasised that we should not behave like insurance agents when we approach the public to recruit them to donate blood. O ya sarah's in the same group as me.
The questions that the public usually asks are:
1) Will it be painful? (No. I think.)
2) Will I faint? (No. Well there's the doctor.)
3) Am I eligible? (Most probably.)

Then I was given education about Red Cross and National Blood Bank. Yep. CIP starting this Saturday.

So.......this is the 100th post.
I need to talk some nonsense.

I hate schedules. I hate routines. I dislike commitments.
If I can, I'd keep travelling from country to country.
Earn what I need.
Travel lightly.
Ride motorbikes at night.
Scream on the coastlines.
Drink till I'm dead drunk.
Roll on the roadside grass.
Throw mudballs at innocent white-shirted folks.
Get into rough fights.
Haul vulgarities without reservation.
Cry till I choke when the roadside beggar plays a song.
Laugh till I crack when I eat something delicious.
Pray earnestly in random churches.
Then jest at my own hypocrisy.
Join in any festive celebrations ongoing in that country.
Pretend I was just as naive and contented.
Pretend that I can be a better person.
Sing along with the crowd
Wear flowery, loose, long skirts that drag to my feet.
Trip on them on every other occasion.
Dirty and tear my lacy hem.
Row a boat whenever there is water.
Look at my reflection and weep at my indifference.
Wishing things were somehow different.
Count the number of stars and freak out.
Appreciate the long nights and sleep throught the day.
Learn to play guitar.
Curse when my bruised fingers tug the strings and bleed.
Wince at the slightest discomfort.
Give a random fat guy a free hug.
Try smoking and paint all my toenails black.
Go hiking.
Die and bury myself under a pine tree.

You said, there's no end to the search.
But what am I searching for?

Life is not fair
I need to be near your warmth

" ..I can change the world,
I would be the sunlight in your universe."

There must a shortcut to happiness.
O the empty banks
The black and dirty creek
Step forth to reality.....

video-making ongoing!

2007-12-10T04:31:00.000-08:00

Spent $71 today on 4 items.

Look at the trend! $128----> $ 89-------> $71
The shopping impulse is starting to go away.

Ok whatever. Anyway my money-burning accomplice for today's shopping feat was Gladdie!!

The thing about her is, no matter what theme I set for our clothes, she'll wound up wearing jap-funk/punk street wear. Seriously, the other day the theme was 'cute' (don't look at me). I at least made an exasperated attempt by wearing a dress BUT that idiotic gladdie went punk rock again.

SIAN.

Anyway once the 2 of us are together we'll just end up laughing over nothing. And I like it that she' shorter than me. Nice hand support. Hahaha.

And what am I doing now?
Having lame MSN convo with ahbu and ahning.
My life just slips away and in no time I'll be lying restlessly in the stuffy coffin deep down under earth....I'll be a vampire!!!! Rarrrr

chalet is... an excuse to drink?

2007-12-09T01:15:00.000-08:00

Nearly got myself drunk at the kendo chalet....Rarrrr! Ok I'll talk about it later.

So I arrived at Downtown East just in time for the nuan-session on thursday. Why were we staying indoors when the great and wonderful beach was so nearby? Because god decided that, as an anti-climax, rain shalt befall the holy land during the long awaited holiday.

To think I told cp i needed a religion.

Ya....... anyway we started the bridge session and for some reason, possibly luck, I kept winning. So yea man, good mood all the way. Then jeb, sana, junkwang, the stupid zone (carey) went to the arcade. Played bishie bashi ( right spelling?), basketball and car-racing. Damn this was the time when I started losing all the way. But the funny thing was, the worse I got, the more 'high' I got....depravation?

Nah, I'm not morally corrupt. Or just a little maybe.

Then it was BBQ!!! I was the chief-in-charge for sotong cooking. If you see me, you'll see sotong somewhere. There were 2 flavours, the salted ones and the spicy ones. Trust me, you don't wanna stand in the way of the wind when you are cooking something spicy; the smoke can really choke you to death.

It was jeb's birthday, so we had cake and she was given a shinai (sword, people) which she waved around (not aimlessly). OMG I don't wanna celebrate my birthday with the kendo people...jeb was made to do 20 shomen wuchi in front of all the other BBQ crowds around. If it was me I'd hide in a corner. After that rigel, john and jeb left.

At night only sam, qihan, yong ming, kefei, noob, sheryl, jun kwang and I stayed. So we started playing poker. Real casino poker! So fun! And we used monopoly money. I never made losses although my wins weren't very big. I'm a careful investor :D

Very very late into the night, the stupid zone came and we started the drinking game. I'm sure many there are many drinking games but I like the one I picked up during the cip camp in August. Every card stands for something. For example, King is toilet card, 10 you get to set a new rule, 5 is you drink, 3 is couple drink, 1 is everyone drinks etc etc

Then truth and dare. I don't know why I was so freaking retardedlly unlucky but the bottle kept stopping in front of me.
ARHHHHHH. Because I was half-drunk, I said a lot of nonsense. ***Faints and dies***

Ya. Next week is shopping week again. *giggles*

See ya, my shopping mates!

this is the 97th post!

2007-12-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

I must remember to mention about the 100th post and give a speech on how touched I'm about my commitment towards this blog.

Ok lame diao le. Anyway 97 is a good number too! Just in case I forget about the 100th one, at least I have this right?

Actually why are people so insistent about numbers? Anniversaries, festivals, birthdays...
If you think about it every day is a special day that only comes once in a life. But o well why think about it at all... just live.

Spent $89 today. Everyday is a shopping day!
O yea the fake and CMI Paris Hilton went out with yuanping and et today.
Ate jap food at this super authentic jap restaurant....and I loved the tempura.

I could've just married the cook.

I wanna go Euro-backpacking so badly that it hurts

2007-12-03T04:12:00.001-08:00

Went out with yayi aka yingying today to shop and I spent a $128 for 2 tops and 2 skirt. And now I feel rather satisfied with myself.

Except one thing's bothering me.

Yayi's mum won't let her go backpacking with me unless a guy went along!
Sexist! Hmph.

Ok, I'm a bit off but seriously. I think we'll be OK.
And define 'guy'. A tall muscular strong individual from the male specie?
Is that what she's having in mind?
Or a weak soft timid hermit that can't even beat me?

I don't know what I'm trying to get at.
Maybe I'm trying to say it's going to be really difficult for things to work out.
Haiz to the max.

ok I'm back

2007-12-01T09:55:00.000-08:00

Even though I'm not The Terminator.

Ya. Actually I'm freaking tired but I HAVE TO BLOG!!!!!

Even chieh complains that I don't update enough; something must be wrong. (If you keep in mind the number of times SHE updates, you'll know what I mean.) And I'll send her an email tomorrow. I promise!!!

Ok as usual the exams sucked and the holiday somehow just don't seem to work.

Not when everyone has different schedules anyway. How am I EVER going to get those people to go out TOGETHER?

Today is Day 1 of my holiday and I'll feel deeply disturbed if I sleep any time earlier than 12.

12 is for what, primary kids?

So Mummy, Daddy and Dear honey, don't try to make me sleep.

I do not want to have anything to do with furmston, stare decisis and the penal code for the coming month and I'm going to sing kbox like money is for free and there is nothing you can do!

Anyway I watched Enchanted with Widad yesterday. (Because Bekah and Ahkar had to leave after a dinner on freaking spicy food. No wait, let me rephrase myself. They didn't leave because of the food. They....just had to leave. Ya whatever. )

Enchanted is THE bimbo show of the century.

[OMG, that's so sad! O I think I'm gonna cry!]

And the classic cry of epic horror:

[Aaahhhhh~~~..... Aaahhhhhhhh~~~~.....Aaahhhhhhhhh~~~~~~]

And out came the cockroaches.

I could have died from the laughter and my own eyeball-rolling exercise. O ya and I hated that kid who sat behind me. If you've watched the show already then keep the plot and your personal comments to yourself!

Should I watch Stardust too?

Obviously everybody's drooling over some guy in the show. Some nerdy geekish guy that turned prince-charming.

What are you, Nip Tuck?

Ok, I'm too tipsy today. Overdose of sarcasm. Hope you survived it.

why am I not updating diligently

2007-11-22T00:09:00.000-08:00

The previous entry title's gotta be the greatest irony of late.
Ya anyway, I should be studying. And I am not studying. The notes look dead to me. I've got an urge to set them on fire and watch them burn. But better not, the ashes might choke my air-con pipes. And the carbon monoxide will choke my windpipe.
I'm such a sorry science student. I can't shake this science-way of thinking off. And this text is getting monotonous.
One question before I go:Why would any sane person be such a pain to the world by writing such long judgements?
...
Profs, one advice, don't read my blog.

why am I so diligent in updating?

2007-11-05T04:43:00.000-08:00

Amazing.

Gladdie actually asked me out for kbox after the exams.
For every previous occasion that I remember, I had to coerce, blackmail and flood her with my sarcasm in order to make her move into the KTV room. Even worse than pego. How could you be so difficult? I don't know what prompted this suddenly switch in personality but, o well, the change is welcomed.

O yea ah ning doesn't need encouragment. (Hey! I meant it in a nice way.)

I was in the library when I received a msg from hoho: heehee I know where you are.
0.0 hoying THE stalker!!!!
haha ---it was one of the most amusing moments of the day. The other highlight was when Prof Yeo started joking about severance of a promise from a contract. He said if the consideration for that promise forms basically the whole consideration for that contract, then it was akin to de-capitalisation. OMG but hold on... If it wasn't, then it was akin to amputation. -.- And it was also wrong to say that severance requires a division of a single promise because it would be mutilation. O man I can't take this man's humour.

Anyway I just realized that xiao hui was in the same JC as yuan ping and they knew each other. The world is small! Had lunch with xiao hui today. Nice girl but too bad we don't have classes together for the next term. Haiz.
Speaking of yuan ping, I have a jack's place lunch date with her after exams but it seems like it'll never come :(
If I screw up my exams....no chioy. I won't. Just saw on huiwen's blog: 真正(的)喜欢是不会因为一点小挫折而放弃的.
so 告白right?
Hahah but I'm super touched and motivated!!!
Hmm-m I guess I should be contented that I'm doing something that I like. If my determination is so easily overwhelmed by a few obstacles, then, it just goes to show how shallow my interest in the subject is.
Phew. I love blogging. Clears my doubts.

I shouldn't be blogging now but who cares

2007-11-04T04:06:00.000-08:00

Just the other day, Amsani asked me:

" Do you talk to yourself? "

Obviously I gave her this bewildered cum are-you-nuts look.
" As in, your know, in your mind la. " She said, " Do you? "

Me: " O that, er, of course. "
Ava, who was sitting in between us, was kinda stunned.
Amsani: " Oh great. That's good. 'Coz I do it all the time, but she doesn't (points to Ava). And I don't want to be the only one. "

Ok, don't give me that look.
This talking-to-yourself-thingy, I bet you do it all the time too.
It's just that you are unaware of it.

Let me give your one example. Every morning, when you try to get up from bed, are you sure you just shoot up the moment the alarm rings?
I don't. I'll waste like 5 minutes rolling in the bed in a caterpillar-like motion while complaining to myself that it's just too freaking early for anybody.
" O man this sucks. "
" Let me just snooze a bit more. ZZZZZZZZzzzz"
" ....O shit! I have contract class. Ahhhh I'm SO late!!!! " *gets up finally*

See? It's very typical.

.... ...........
Ya hell, I don't care what you think.
At least there's Amsani.

I'm such a loser that I've classes on saturdays

2007-11-03T00:07:00.000-07:00

Yippee! My weekend is half gone thanks to contract law.

Anyway, did I mention I screwed my mid-terms? No?

Well, now you know.

By the way, what is Star Dust(?) about?

The kendo people are off to watch it this afternoon.

Sounds too dreamy for me. Like Barbie Dolls.

Or teletubbies.

Caption: life just gets weirder.

Laughing is free. So is smiling. So, say cheese!

Geez I see you nearly choking on the cheese while grinning.

Alright, whatever.

I just need a more bit more discipline in my life. A little more self-control. To study. To mug, whatever the variant.

"Dreaming, and singing, laughing.

Crying, and dancing, to the moon."

I can't believe I'm doing this too

2007-10-29T06:26:00.000-07:00

1. First Name:
Xuan/Ellen

2. Were you named after anyone?
Nope.

3. Do you wish on stars?
Yes, but only if it's shooting.

4. When did you last cry?
I don't remember. Probably while watching a movie.

5. Do you like your handwriting?
Not until I changed the way I write d. And i did it unknowingly. So cool.

6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Any meat that doesn't taste sadly vegetarian because of bad cooking.

7. What is your birth date?
30th April. I love it because a holiday always falls one day after it. (Labour Day)

8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with yourself?
Yes, but I would keep a distance. HAHAHA

9. Are you a daredevil?
Yes, I think. Just don't ask me to kill.

10. Have you told a secret you swore not to tell?
Yes, but only because I thought it was for her good. I still can't tell if I made it worse or better.

11. Do looks matter?
Yes, if the only reason I'm staring at you is because it gives me pleasure to do so. No if I'm looking for conversation. It's a meeting of minds. Not faces.

I just thought of another exception. If I'm on the verge of beating you up, I think it is a determing factor whether you look 欠扁or not.

12. How do you release your anger?
Hahahaha. is this related to my previous answer? If I'm just mildly pissed, I'll blog. If I'm very very very pissed, I'll......................... drink Jolly Shandy. Hahahaha.

13. Where is your second home?
The MRT. Hahahahaha.

14. Do you trust others easily?
If they trust me too.

15. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Anything BUT teletubbies

16. What class in high school do you think was totally useless?
If you don't count civics, I would say PW.

17. Do you have a journal?
Woah, I thought you could read? (this IS my journal)

18. Do you use sarcasm?
Refer to previous answer.

19. Nicknames?
Can we not go to the details? Busy people don't fuss over minor details.

20. Would you bungee jump?
I thought I said I'm a daredevil. (Seriously, who came up with this thing? You asked me already.)

21. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Yes, but only if I can't take them off without untying.

22. Do you think that you are strong?
Even if I say that I am, no one will believe me. I nearly failed NADFA, my dear.

23. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
I'm not big on ice cream.

24. Shoe size?
Whatever that fits. (Is this a medical report?)

25. Red/pink?
Pink. Refer to my handphone.

26. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
Fats. (Thanks ah ning)

27. Who do you miss most?
Why make me choose? Ok, let me think...Yumiko?

28. Do you want everyone you sent this to, to send it back?
This is NA. (Thanks yong yong)

29. What color pants are you wearing?
HUH? I'm wearing a skirt.

30. What are you listening to right now?
完美比例

31. What was the last thing you ate?
Mango. (Say hi, Pego)

32. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Dark green.

33. What is the weather right now?
Unpredictable. (Blame globalisation)

34. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Rebekah.

35. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
His expression.

36. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
I SAID it's NA! (Thanks yong again)

37. Favorite drink (alcoholic/non-alcoholic)?
Jolly Shandy (>0.03% alcohol. So loser.)

38. Favorite sport(S)?
Cycling

39. Hair color?
Black

40. Eye color?
Black if I'm not rolling my eyes

41. Do you wear contacts?
Nope.

42. Name of pet?
Xiao Bai

43. Name of favorite childhood pet?
Xiao Bai the first (I've a confession to make. Actually, like delia, I name all my pets under the same name. Whether they are bai or not.)

44. Last movie that you watched?
Secret.

45. Scary Movies or Happy?
HAPPY! Look at my blog! To the hell with scary movies! (passerby: they are already there)

46. Summer or winter?
Summer. I need a tan.

47. Hugs or Kisses?
Hugs.

48. Who is most likely to respond?
Yuanping. She always hugs me.

49. Who is least likely to respond?
Gladdie. That cold-blooded woman.

50. Living arrangements?
With parents.

51. What books are you reading?
This is not a good idea.
Case Analysis and Statutory Interpretation, Casebook on Contract Law, Cheshire, Fifoot & Furmston's Law of Contract... .... (drowns)

52. What is on your mouse pad?
Mouse trap.

53. What did you watch on TV last night?
Advertisements. ( I was passing by)

54. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Beatles

55. What’s the farthest you have been from home?
Los Angeles

you mute readers

2007-10-27T00:25:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm referring to you huiping...among others. Rarrrrr!!!!

Haha, anyway, in case I forgot to mention. I am in Kendo. NOT AIR RIFLE. (Please marinah, that's yuwen.)

Yeap. Did I mention my Kendo mates are really crappy?
Basically, they spend hours on msn chatting about yishan and her rumours, kian boon and his ice-cream, carey and his stupid zone, rebecca and....(er I can't remember what. She sleeps early). Unlike me and Sheryl. We talk about more sensible stuff. Like yuukan club, nobuta wo produce and gokusen. :D

And I feel kinda sad too. Hadn't had the chance to meet up with ahkar, widad and rebekah for 2 week. Ok I know it doesn't sound like a long time but we are in the same freaking school. How can we not???

And am I aging too fast? Is that why I'm so easily exhausted? If I tell my mum this, she'll force some tonic down my throat again. Which may yet again hasten the aging process. Hers and mine together.

It's ok!! I know everything will be fine!
...I'm still tired.

merely a trip to the wonderland

2007-10-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

There was this awkward silence
Of course I felt no pain
Just a faint awareness of breathlessness
the wet grass under my track shoes

'Do we need a new canvas?
you smudge my previous strokes you know'
rustling
your poker face again

Alice liked my pink handkerchief
and she ignored the mildly salty taste of it
'I am no fool you know', she whispered
and she looked into the bottom of the tea cup

I was day-dreaming again
I knew it was a cheap sport
but it agitated Her Majesty to see me so contented
Alright, I won't leave you, I appeased her,
Never-

Then I stepped out of the dark hole, taking Alice with me.
Whoever trusted me must have drank from that pot of tea.
How could we be so ginger in our petty actions?
You know I need you,
So why even bother?
'Who are you thinking of?', she questioned.
That curious girl.

The breeze sighed a silent note of regret.
Alice plaited her hair again.
O naughty lass, don't toy with your hair.
She only giggled
'O Sir you only shed your pretence in front of that unspeakable'
I could only look away. I knew nothing.

'It's about time', you said.
Was that a smile?
The canvas was fully covered
what it's covering I dare not seek

'Farewell' , I replied.
O what manners I have, I thought.
Because I have nothing else left.
Then we remained silent.
I knew you expected me to come back.
But I only belonged to Her Majesty,
with clarity I looked at you in the eye,
and I nearly felt tears on my cheeks.

The doors would be sealed forever.
So I dropped my watch onto the floor.
Time is of no relevance here.

'Then turn back time',
your voice slipped through the last crack of the swinging doors.
Bringing my head up to your face.

But nevertheless the doors were sealed forever.

.....nothing else but the wet grass under my bare feet

photo fair

2007-10-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

O my darling pehgo~ I can't believe it! You missed me calling you that!!! OMG! You even missed bickering with me?? Are you sure Jessie? Awww~~
O ya, yu ning she misses you too. And mari. And ahbu (even though she goes to your house every Saturday O.0)
*disclaimer: people not mentioned are missed too. It's just that the impression we left was deeper because Jessie secretly prefers people torturing her to -shudders- loving her.

The focus of this photo is jessie's bed...sheet. HAHA! Pardon me for the lousy quality of this photo. I don't think you need much zooming in to tell the design though. Kinda obvious what it is right. Hint: think bunny. think dumb bunnies.
[*no bunnies were injured in the printing of this bed sheet. They were merely insulted and humiliated in such entirety that they now avoid the likes of AJ-loving chemists-
that shirt is. O.M.G.*)

Anyway, when I invaded her room, she was eating her apple (yea she fancies Newton) and mugging at her favourite spot in the room. Ok fine, actually the room is only that big so the whole room is actually her favourie spot. Hmm. Ya. She kept telling me how everyone's also studying in other rooms. And the thing is, there were so many rooms in one building and so many buildings in one residential area. So if you multiply, there will be so many students and the idea of so many of them doing the same freaking thing at the same freaking time just freaked me out: they were like...bees simultaneously buzzing away at the same frequency in their individual cells.
... ... ...
Yay!!!! Count me in some other time! 0.0 Some other time!

O my gladdie. If I don't put a single photo of my wonderful host, I'd be damned. Ok maybe she won't like it, but I don't work for maybelline so the maybe-talks don't work for me. Too bad!!!

Anyway, why did jessie and you do the same thing?! Don't be so in sync alright? It's freakie!!! The bee hive effect!

Long over-due photo. My 无敌黑白配. HAHAHAHA!!!! I'm beyond words.

...and delia: lab coats do not serve the function of a kbox prop. People don't wear it to match the other party's clothes. You don't stress duets that way!!!

Can you tell I'm a bit hysterical?

It's the last day of mid-terms. (yes, on a bloody saturday)

ORZ

2007-10-12T05:17:00.000-07:00

I can't believe my break is over already . NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Devastated! I'm so dead for my mid-term next week.

Anyway, I'm not here to blog about this. Read below.

Wednesday:
Took MRT to BV and followed the crowd to the 96 bus stop. Got off at the central library and saw gladdie waiting for me. Next to the bus stop there were a few stalls selling old clothes and books. I browsed through briefly and turned to see an old fortune teller sitting quietly behind me ...0.O ... and then gladdie started getting all excited. She said she had her name analysed the other time and it was 凶凶凶. Huh? Then why are you so high?? The words died in my mouth.
After greeting yibo on the way, we went for gladdie's resume talk. Saw melinda outside the lecture theatre and immediately gladdie switched to her fan girl mode. Yes, yes, I know you 2 like yamapi. You have made it clear it enough...
The resume talk was ok but we both had issues with the lecturer. Let's put it in Ms Soh's words...he's atypical... ... Aiya I just don't like him.
The next class was economics. The lecturer spent half the time going through the test paper and the rest teaching the game theory. You know what? Wakarimasen.
The evening was spent with gladdie's other schoolmates. They were shooting some videos of a girl hallucinating that she stabbed someone. But how can you do that without blood? Gladdie replied that she hated ketchup. -.-
Half way through the filming I went to Jessie's room. HAHAHAHA anyone wants to see exclusive photos of her room??? Pls show your support on the tagboard. No, jessie, your protests will not change my mind. Anyway, you did pose for me right...haha.
I think gladdie doesn't know this, but I took 1 photo of her room too! Yay! Something to blackmail her with~~~
Spent the night watching videos and chatting. Slept at the unsound time of 3.45. She said I was mad. Hey, this is my holiday... Spoil me for once.
The next day we woke up damn early to watch a jap show. Erm...the train guy or something? It was really funny (by the way I saw shiqi in the lecture theatre) but the ending was gross to the core (ya I did say Hi). Yuck! I still can't stand that kiss.
Then I went home.

Darlings, find motivation in work! It's better this way.
It's easier this way.

holidays? more like study break

2007-10-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

Ok I know I've neglected this web page for more than a week. I was busy fighting the Legal System Monster. Yaaaaaa-

-And I DIED alright? Don't laugh at me. I can't believe how remarkably ugly my death was.

Pia~ splash. Blood drips, bone splits...Yuuuuck! Where were all the superheroes on Saturday?!

I don't mind superman, even though he's always wearing that embarrassingly red and ridiculous underwear. I don't mind wolverine either, even if my cat may end up throwing a tantrum because its claws paled in comparison. I don't even mind Ultraman! Even though he's plastic and SPASTIC and useless... like a mutated version of Barbie Dolls. @.@

It's ok. Nothing beats teletubies anyway. Me and Mari are always freaked out by them. Like completely entirely and thoroughly. Because they look like aliens sing like angles snigger like Chucky act like heretics eat like microorganisms and dance like William Hung.

Enough said. Anway.

I can't bear to go out much because I have another test after this week. But I can't bring myself to study either because, for god's sake, it's the holidays...right?

Can't imagine the final exams. Makes me giddy thinking about them alone.

-By the way, I wonder about the UK workload *looks afar*

diao

2007-09-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

It's coming....it's coming...it's coming!

Are you people excited? (Act bimbotic and say yes)

No, it's not the Great Singapore Sale, nor is it Jessie's solo kbox concert.

It's the mid-terms.
(Ok for some of you, it's already here.)

The chance to screw your life up. As if it isn't screwed enough. Anyway.
After sleeping in the library for the past 2 months, I guess my future's pretty much fixed.
Unless I do something very drastic about it, like mugging real hard. Which is impossible because I've too many things already. That's why, instead of revising, I'm stuck here doing my 2 critiques of essays, 1 essay on the Reasonable Man Test for Provocation and 1 essay on Contract Law presentation question. Who would have the time to read up on Legal Systems?
Free gifts maybe? They are too free anyway.

As I was saying.
I'm screwed. But I shall stay calm because freaking out ain't gonna help.
Steady, friend. (Woah, I'm full of admiration for myself.)

one stalk

2007-09-26T01:42:00.000-07:00

The icy pointy tips
A cold nasty feeling of cutting flesh
s-n-a-p

O I'm just a stalk of African Daisy
Aimless and mildly pink
Sway me to the left
Or right, whenever
whichever
I only waltz with the breeze

O those people
They don't understand
Those green fields
The heavy suspending clouds
The friction between the fibres
They just don't
I live for the sunlight
Sometimes it burns me
Sometimes it hurts me
But I'm still here

Don't slip your scissors through me
Don't tread on my head
Don't look at me with such jealousy
I'm just a fad
A stalky fad
And I don't even belong to you

洗礼

2007-09-23T05:40:00.000-07:00

There always come a point where your brain gets too clogged up. The maintenace point.

Cleaners, pails, water, detergent, scrubs and a bit of time-out.
Some faint lazy sunlight.
Hair sticking down your neck.
Eyelids heavy and down.

You can't do everything.
That's why computers hang.
People withdraw.
Flies buzz.
And busybody birds eat the buzzing flies. Or whatever.

----I can always see a pebble in front of me and not kick it.

happy birthday ahkar!

2007-09-19T06:01:00.000-07:00

Chen pei, kiat lun, bekah, widad, jessica and I celebrated ahkar's birthday at frujch today. We bought him a chocolate cake and ....strangely, a massager (!?) Hm.

Ok anyway, the cake was huge and we couldn't finish it. So ahkar had to bring it home and have it as his breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner for tomorrow. HAHA.
And Jed made a joke of himself by thinking that ahkar's birthday is actually next week and went home instead of joining us. O.O I can pass on my blur no. 2 title to him.

And the conversation on the mrt is, as usual, bizarre. We ended up debating on the holiness and vanity of cheese. -.- My goodness.

I've presentation on legal systems this Friday and I'm so completely freaked out. There is such a big pressure to do well, especially in front of your seniors and stuff. I guess I just need to get used to it and shrug my shoulders whenever necessary. Attitude, friend. You lack attitude.

school is killing everybody

2007-09-16T04:15:00.000-07:00

And I just killed all my brain cells writing an article on 'creativity and me'.
Yea right. Like employers really appreciate an overdose of creativity. This is Asia and Asians are conservative. I need to leave Asia.

Anyway...
one thing's been nagging me for quite long.
Ahbu has a dar dar but she only sees it as god-to-dog relationship.
*Bark*
O my goodness. Headache. It just got worse.

>.<

2007-09-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

I love Prof Chan!
She's so motherly and warm. The best part about her is that she actually teaches stuff that I can understand :)
Ok maybe it's because legal systems and legal methods is easier to understand in the first place. It's more like history on law than anything else.

Criminal law is fine but contract law is starting to get so abstract.
...
Ah! Don't give up! Don't slack! The most thing is: stop watching TV!!!!!!

(Is it possible?)

it's just an obstacle

2007-09-12T04:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things reach a stalemate. And it sucks.
I'm suddenly reminded of the My Sassy Girl Parody clip that I watched on youtube.
girl:[points to far away] ouch~ I've finger cancer.
boy: That sucks.
girl: [wipes eye] O I've eyeball cancer too.
boy: That sucks.
.
.
.
me: [points to smu library] I haven't been finishing my assigned readings.
passerby: That sucks.
me: [scratches cheek] And the test will be here in 3 week's time.
passerby: That sucks.
me: And what freaking business is it of yours to be demoralising me down here?!
passerby: [shrugs] I don't know... but it really sucks.
me: Yea. This sucks.

Readers of this blog: Point taken.

:D

2007-09-08T04:19:00.000-07:00

This is really going to sound stupid and bimbotic, but...
I really felt happy shopping today!
I love buying clothes!

And I conveniently cut my hair~
Anyway, I can't believe hoho got my name wrong! It's elleN NOT elle! For god's sake I'm not related to S.H.E and I am not interested in wuzun!
...not very interested at least!
He's expressionless!

... Ahbu don't go~ Wait for me! How can you go Japan alone?!!! Doesn't friendship mean anything to you? Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind.....

*Goes off to watch videos and ignores the pile of projects and readings stacking in one corner*

>.< I miss PIN

2007-09-06T01:37:00.000-07:00

I shall not attempt to discuss how busy I have been for the past week, for it is only logical to conclude that, after weeks of me discussing the same old topic, my poor readers have gotten sick of the entire affair and are earnestly wishing that I will move on.

Let's talk about happy things for a change.

I realised everyone is feeling miserable! OK I didn't mean to sound so sadistic, but I just want to confirm that I'm not the only one who's thinking too much.
I'm meeting that blur mushroom and the empty blackhole this Sunday! Aw I feel good just thinking about it. And we are going to sing K. :)
I can tsk ah ning with this :))))
I still get to be childish like this, at least on my blog.
I've successfully brainwashed myself into believing that it's OK to not read all the recommended texts.
I'm half-way done with convincing myself that I've not gotten stupider upon entry into university. It's the syllabus that's getting inhuman. Wait they are inhuman. I mean, it's the academic writers who are getting inhuman.
I'm getting used to the idea of not having anything done as planned.
I don't have to plan anymore. No point. Less fuss.
I just met gladdie and jelly who made me laughed like nobody's business.

OK that's it.

That, is not to say we avoid reality

2007-09-02T03:18:00.000-07:00

-I may not have the strength
I may say it's stupid-

"It's so hard to not complain about school. I thought I should be really used to the system by now, but-I'm not. Every year, the water level goes up a bit more, and my head gets submerged a bit more.
Of course I can swim. We, the children of the 21th century, were born in the times of flood. Yet we are far from mermaids.
So why did god let mermaids set the rules?
Mermaids think we can breath under water and stuff, and they love the sea. So maybe I'll grow to like the sea too. But not love. It's beyond me.
The only way out is to take one step at a time. The faster you try to go, the more likely you'll drown. I'll die in satisfaction in knowing that I had tried my best.
They said, ' Live forever, or die trying', isn't it?
So I guess the mermaids aren't that bad then. Didn't one of them choose to turn into foam?
Because she loved something that couldn't live in the sea."

-but I'll make the world a better place anyway-

if otherwise

2007-09-01T05:08:00.000-07:00

We walked upon parallel lines
I taught myself to believe in lies
There was this smirk in the midst of cries
No one would turn up to clarify

The wolves shadowed as if a sign
Cyan trails of dying wilds
In the fleeting moments of dusk
Who can tell them apart from dogs?

I tried so hard so see you smile
but in the dimness I saw you cried
The break of dawn you turned in time
so I never got to ask you why

Years later I thought of it then
Maybe it wasn't you I saw
In that moment it was just the past

The more of wolves
and the less of dogs
the more tears than your fears

jesus i am cursed!

2007-08-29T07:43:00.000-07:00

This is seriously bizarre.
I have never met such situations. I mean, what's the chance of having your classmate dropping out of school on the 8th day of school?

And the worse thing is, you have gotten quite attached to her. Sian.
She didn't saw it coming either. The call came after school today. She spent the day at school without even knowing that it was her last day.

Goodbye~aik wei! I'm still happy for you. Though I still don't understand why nus dentistry took so long to reach you.

Anyway, let me grumble abit. What's with me and this thing about project mates dropping out of school?

First bingrong, and now this.

Very funny, fate, very funny.

call me ellen

2007-08-29T07:03:00.000-07:00

this is a notice:
for convenience sake, I got myself an english name in uni.
get used to it. thank you.

because we chose to be tamed

2007-08-28T09:22:00.000-07:00

o gosh my little prince,
where will you land next?
Not next to the thorns I hope

There are 2 things that set me thinking (besides exam questions). One is uncertainty and the other movies.
I thought jay chou looked fat in the film but I decided to overlook that when he started getting lame. How can one be mean to his own kind?
Anyway gui luan mei was the main reason why I watched the show. 2 years ago, I watched this super depressing movie that she acted in and I thought she was brilliant.
The plot of the Secret was quite predictable, but the music alone was good enough. It's been a long time since I watched a feel-good movie that has a logical and coherent storyline.
I guessed it right from the start that he was the only one who could see her. But I didn't know that she had to place her sight on him first. The effort that she put in to make sure he saw her was perhaps the most romantic part of the show. 1,2,3....105 steps.
How many steps will you take to go near someone you truly care about?
Maybe none at all.

and the pricks teared blood,
as the traveller took off again,
once again consumed by the galaxy.

That's it

2007-08-27T06:36:00.000-07:00

I guess by now we can all agree on one thing: uni life is crazy.
I don't get it. How come life always gets tougher and not the other way round? Wrinkles, more blubber, less energy and full-fledged cynicism... ...

Unfair!
And I'm so screwed. So many projects, so many textbooks and so little time. Maybe I made a few good friends, but it hardly makes up for half of the stress I'm going through.

And I can't decide which cca to choose. Judo or kendo? YAAAAAAAA-I'm gonna whack you!!
By the way, I'm already a member of the music interactive club. It organises ktv sessions! Whee~

2007-08-26T05:47:00.000-07:00

Hotaru no hikari is so nice!!!!
But jotei is better...because there is shota! >//.//<
On the other hand, hanazakari no kimitachi is getting darn boring, partly because it's so predictable and partly because the main lead sucks. The only reason why I'm still watching it is because maki and toma look really good together. But yamaki fans will definitely protest and whine if they hear me saying this.

..........

O come on, yamapi is for jin.

Hahahahaha.....

PS: kurosaki the movie is coming out. And sorry for speaking in codes.

stupid, just plain stupid

2007-08-21T22:54:00.000-07:00

I can't believe what an idiot I am. I so totally suck at life!
Who misses their first lesson of a course on the first week of school???
If it was a law course, I would have just broken my skull with a tofu. But thank god it was just analytical skills.
Please don't flag me, prof.

ignore this

2007-08-20T08:12:00.000-07:00

What's the difference between estoppel and consideration?

Estoppel sounds Spanish and considerations sounds Greek. So...Spain put a stop to Greek's consideration....??
Forget it.

And why use the term 'interrogatories'? 'Questions' will be a much more friendly and unpretentious substitute. 'Duress' is simply 'blackmail' and 'larceny' is just about theft. I bet all the bombastic words in the world were put into academic writings just for the sake of it.

Why go all shakespearen about it?
..........................

Ignore me. I'm just tired. So I'm starting to grumble a bit.

one hectic week gone and more to come

2007-08-18T06:09:00.000-07:00

Law Camp-wed to fri
Sucked. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hate hard core debriefs!!!!!! And my poker-faced faci!!!!!!
Chieh hwee I met Kai ling~
And my textbooks. They look unfriendly and cold.

Uni-Y Group Outing-fri night
Right after my law camp. Felt damn tired. Went to Fish and Co and the first thing, I mean the first person that I thought of was jessie. Aren't you honoured pego? Everyone thinks of you now and then. Me, ah ning and I'm sure, howard.
After that we went to Ice Cold Beer. The bar in smu where students get 20% off their drinks. I think I was quite high. But as a hindsight, I think I'm depraving. Drinking in the campus bar even before school started!!!

Convocation-sat
The convo was so hip and stylish. A funky band, good food etc... I felt welcomed. And I wanna join fencing!!!!

FTB Outing-sat night
After the convo, we ate at Swensen's and I ordered this new item called beef baked rice, so nice! It's better than chicken baked rice~yummy. Someone go try.
My group is so fun. Not girly, not pretentious and no make-up. And we were quite lame la, or rather they were influenced by me. Oops.
And to my shock, many guys from my group were hit on by gays before. HAHA, so attractive sia?

NUS hostel

2007-08-13T06:31:00.000-07:00

I thought the whole thing's rather amusing. The funnier thing is that the exact same thing had pissed me off 2 months ago.

Can you believe it? The officer from the NUS Residential Services department emailed to tell me I should be checking in latest by today. HAHA. Now I know what it means to have too much red tape in an organisation. Obviously the news travels very slowly from department to department in schools.

Or does it mean non-nus students can stay in NUS hostel? Geez. I'm tempted. It's Prince George's Park Residences afterall.

I guess my $15 dollars wasn't wasted then. At least they really did administrative work for me. Thanks guys.

I'm off to camp tomorrow....again. sigh. tired.

Freshmen Team Building Camp (ftb)

2007-08-12T05:09:00.000-07:00

There is no doubt to it! I'm super lucky these days! It really pays to be enthusiatic about camps!

The group that I was in for this camp won the best individual again! And our whole section, consisting of around 4 groups, won the best overall as well! :D Yay.

Anyway, ftb wasn't as tough as it sounded, though everyone was right about the food and the debriefs. OMG, I finally understand what they meant when they said "Too much of a good thing is bad for you".
Day 1 lunch : fried fish, chicken and veggie
dinner: fried fish, tofu and veggie
Day 2 lunch : fried fish, egg and veggie
dinner: fried fish etc
Day 3 lunch: fried fi............>__< Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

O C'mon! Have some imagination ~
It doesn't mean you had to feed us fishes everyday just because we camped next to a sea. No wonder factories are always located next to the resources. One question: Are all the kitchen helpers part-time fishermen?

And the legendary debriefs which never seemed to end.
"So what have you learnt today?"
"How do you feel about this activity?" ...etc
Didn't like my faci's preachiness and all. He kept going on and on about teamwork. But I'm not really blaming him for that la. It was his job, unfortunately.

But the games were good. I love the one where we had to build and row our own raft. So extremely cool!!!!

Alright. I wish my last camp this coming wednesday will be as good. I'm not hoping to win anything this time. I just wanna make friends with my future classmates. Nothing's going to take my mind off that.

School is starting in a week's time. Tell me everything's gonna be fine...

paris streets

2007-08-08T06:53:00.000-07:00

You stand above me laughing
My Achilles' heels all broken
O that pathetic sore spot
How I simply want to loath you

But no not this time
Love always befriends hatred

O your faintly purple irises
O your eyes full of cutting contempt
Mine with nothing less friendly
Alas such benign shallow flirtations

On little trails we met
No we don't belong to the big streets

I've had better encounters
But for some reason
I prefer darker alleys

Tickling I heard the drizzle
Nowhere I want to go
No hands I wish to hold

No words
We feel to say

... :)

Wonderful Tuesday: nap time

2007-08-07T22:56:00.000-07:00

I'm going for camp tomorrow. I'm coming back on Saturday but I don't think I can lift my fingers to blog till next week.

Anyway, I know you heard me complaining about tuesday already. But I can't help it. There's more to come.

The dental appoinment ended at around 3pm. And my next school event was at 6.30pm. Obviously I was facing a dilemma. It wasn't rational to go home and come back, but I had nothing to do. So I decided to tour Singapore. On MRT.

Sat from Outram to Pasir Ris then back to Boon Lay before going back to Raffles Place. Yeah. Then I was fined $2 for overstaying in the station. The first time in my life! It was a new experience :D

Anyway, if you think I'm nuts, or that I've wasted my money, or that I've seen lots of sceneries that made the trip worth it, you are absolutely wrong.
I slept through.

*Kids, don't try this at home. I am professionally trained.*

Did anyone get the joke?

grumbles*

2007-08-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

Ok here I am. Seating in my school library. All set to launch my series of complains.
Why why why am I so busy, even though school is supposed to start 2 weeks later? Protest!!!

Monday: The only chance to finish the Deathly Hallows. Done.

Tuesday: The best day ever.
9am - SOL Academic Briefing 2007. I met my sec 2 classmate, Kat. I stared
her for quite long before I reacted. I think this irritated her a great
deal because she thought I was ignoring her. Hey gladdie, I hope you still
remember her. I've also just learnt that my law camp will be in Orchid Club. But hey guys, it's not what you think. No fanciful stuff.
My cohort only has 34 guys as compared to the 80plus girls out there. I don't know what to make of it. Anyway, someone suggested setting up a Law Club which sounded really exclusive. I mean, what's it gonna organise? Law outings. O.O Who else will be interested apart from us?
145pm - Dentist appointment. My date with doc Wong. Eks. My next destination for today.
630pm - Lawyers Outside Legal Practice:A Historical Ramble Update. It
is a talk or something. I'm going there this evening. Anyone knows where 28
Boat Quey is?

Wednesday: Need to start reading my untouched reference book and get used to that disgusting Windows Vista. Urgh. I hate it! I want my XP! But I can't. I just heard that my school's default system is Vista. Someone shoot Bill Gates. The whole point of the ceaseless system upgrades is such that he can reap more profits out of it. Jelly said that Windows Corporate might have even deliberately left out loopholes in each version of Windows so that there is the incentive for the public to upgrade. This is downright despicable. I've got the urge to bring him to court.

Thursday-Saturday: Law Camp. We have no seniors, so some teachers will be in charge of the whole thing. Hope I'll get to see their fun-loving sides or it'll just become another school field trip. Anyway, even if they hyped up, there is no guarantee that my classmates will be. I mean, aren't lawyers all serious creatures?

I'll get my personalised timetable this sunday. I LOVE my school. I don't have to bid this term. *shakes leg rather carelessly*

Ok, I shall make my to-do-list.

1 Visit yuanping at her ntu hostel
2 Compare my timetable with gladdie's
3 Watch [the secret] with chieh hwee.
4 Meet up with Jelly and return her HPATDH.
5 Take picture with the punky ahbu n her ah-lian hair style. Hey ahbu, it's ok. You still look 14 no matter what.
6 Try to contact krab and anggie somehow. haiz.
7 Go for the next 09/05 class outing whenever it is. Just an update: we celebrated Mario's birthday last sunday. There was hoho, delia, me and the main character. Ate at Seoul Garden and we gave her an ouran art book. O ya, ah ning, mario commented on you:

'Why is she so shy?'

Omg. To be called shy by the second shyest person in class is like...

Uni-YMCA Camp

2007-08-02T07:12:00.000-07:00

YAY! TARZAN rocks!! Oioioioioioioio...!!!!!

Er, that's my team's name by the way :D

I still can't believe that we got first place! The prize was really good. 100 bucks Swensens' voucher. Super useful. Put it to good use almost immediately :)

Day 1: I had to REACH my school by 8am. Having slept at 2am on the same day, I thought the sleep was seriously insufficient. But how wrong the next few days had proven me to be. In fact, if you were able to nap for more than 4 hours in a row, you will be feeling so thankful. I slept for 4 hours on the first 2 nights and 3 on the last. Gosh. Everyday I woke up with huge eye bags and an awful complexion.

So as I was saying, we assembled in the moring. Felt quite lost at first. Yes, I'm blur. Whatever.
So the normal interaction started. As usual, the initial atmosphere was a bit cold.... Luckily, we had 2 super-enthu facis (not facists!). They really went to great length to entertain us. Almost at all costs. Ya. Shall not go into the details.

Alright. Let me summarise the rest of the events on day1.

Lunch. (disgusting packed food.)

CIP briefing.

Volunteers giving their advices.

Amazing race (which we came in second for.)

Night games.

Supper.

Shower at the school gym.

Day 2: Old Folks' Home. The elderlies that we visited mostly didn't speak English nor Chinese. When we realised the situation, everyone was like: shit. What else could we speak? Everybody started muttering broken and senseless pieces of hokkien and cantonese while the elderlies tried very hard to speak chinese that sounded like tamil. But the language barrier was eventually overcame with the most unlikely subject...Bingo. O.o

The winner of the games gets extra staples and coffee bags. I couldn't believe how high they got. Felt quite guity then because I have been constantly complaining about my life even though I had all the food I could eat and all the coffee I could drink.

Met 2 very interesting uncles who were very bold and frank with their opinions. By the way, they were the only 2 guys who could speak english. And here, I wish them health and longevity above all.

Telematch at night. We had to play so many stupid but fun games. Like eating disgusting unknown food blindfolded. Fighting for a watermelon on soapy plastic sheet which eventually turned into wretling and catfights. Breaking that melon with bare hands and finish eating it without using hands (which means you eat like a dog with your face in the mashed pulp.) We even had timed math quiz on constantly shrinking standing space. And the math questions, trust me, were 'godly' (as my faci would say). Do this without a calculator. What's 79x69, ahbu?

Miraculously, we had a math whiz in the group who gave the correct answer. HAHA. As for the rough games, we won because all the 5 guys were tall, big-sized and highly enthusiastic. O yeah, we were quite on.

So why didn't we sleep early? Because we realised that we had cards to play bridge. I had good cards most of the times. A K Q 9 of spades or KQJ 10 of clubs etc...

Day 3: Tsk. This was the day when we stopped being lucky. Kept losing all the games at night. And those rebellious and unstable teens that we had to handle made it worse. They stated right fromt the start that they didn't like us. And it was so hard to please them because they had so many unreasonable requests. Or maybe it's just me. I'm so not into babysitting. Jelly I've got to hand it to you. You must have tons and tons and tons and tons of patience.

The last night was the night for drunkards. We played this game which was essentially an excuse for others to make you drink. If you draw a 3, for example, then all the girls will drink. Or if you draw a 6, which is a date card, you have to pick someone of a different gender to drink with you. Then forfeits include jumping in your sleeping bag like a catepillar. O man, but I had so much fun. I've never seen drunkards before. Especially drunkards that sprouted nonsense and have personality changes. But being the sly person I am, I pretended to be tipsy after the first drink so I excused myself from further alchoholic irrigation. It's not like I wanted everyone to see me with my red ears and stuff.

Day 4: Wet games. It was really like the game I played during the HC orientation 2 years ago. There were 2 groups and you have to defend you respective goal posts from being hit by water bombs. Obviously you get to hit one another as well. And guess what? I got hit right on the head once the game started. Such luck man. But I thought I was a good defender. Coz I eliminated quite a few people from the other team. In the end, our group won! YAY! Water Fighters!

....then HOME! My bed! My Fridge! My TV! My comp! Alright, I missed you too, mummy and daddy. Maybe.

O Junior

2007-07-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

The age of 17
The age of 18

Who bothers counting the days
Why be an all dimension nuisance

Adults always had their reasons
Kids always were the problems
Notes always contained nonsense
Lectures always fed my nap needs
Photocopiers always kept me waiting
Bio teachers always had me squirming
No one ever answered my questions
And you never listened when I was speaking

A better person we all tried to become
A broken tune you sang to end the ceremony
Eventually we will grumble about the sorry ending
But chaos is hardly an agreeable alternative

I can't believe we tried to influence each other
I can't believe we never stopped
Your idiosyncrasies continued to tempt me
What's on the other side of common safety
Together we left people disoriented
This I remember everyday with happiness

I don't understand the meaning of growing up
Maybe it means to stop writing silly poems
If you become my life-long teacher
We can finish new tutorials together
Try to see the world as our new classroom
Perhaps launch a whole new set of ambitions
And become better Marco Polos

I, Maro
You, Polo, of course.

depraving

2007-07-25T06:36:00.000-07:00

Watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on tuesday night. Felt quite vexed after that. Keep recalling that look Sirius Black had when he fell through that curtain of death or whatever. Chieh hwee said she might have cried if they zoomed into his face for a few more seconds.
I knew he was going to die because I read the book. But I still took it quite hard. It felt like someone murdered my favourite neighbour or something. So what if Harry was vindicated? I rather they suspect him into a coma than having Black killed by some misty veil or by some crazy red-lipped witch.
O well, the best is yet to come. Dumbledore is gonna get killed in the next movie. *Beams fakely and collapse*

Anyway, thank god I had kbox today.
Made me feel happy again. Our famous Pehgo finally sang for us to hear. *Beams genuinely* She's my favourite chemist in the world. HAHA. OMG when she sang <暧昧>... ... 我真的失去勇气。But 当你was good. Hahaha except for the 啊part.
As usual, I failed to succeed in singing fei's part in 天天夜夜...like yu(space)ning said, it's one of the most pervertic song ever. But aiya...small case for yu(space)ning. She awed jessie even though *gasp* she was in a bad condition. Ya. Sorry for the sarcasm. But you deserve it.
And ahbu! I mummified her with her lab coat! Goes well with her penchant for undentified mummified songs which even I can't recognize. Like what is <铁窗>?!!!
And what's with everyone's obsession with <杀手>? The dismembering part was so fake. JJ you need a new director.

How about Jay Chou?

Alright

2007-07-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

3 camps are coming. My life shall be busy, busy and busy.

30th-2nd CIP camp
9th-11th School camp
15th-17th Faculty camp

I'm looking forward to school already! I can't wait for the lectures. The warm lecture notes still smelling of the photocopier machine. The packed and hasty MRT trains. The slippery dangerously over-waxed hall floor. The noisy and stuffy canteen. I'm all hyped up!

Anyway, zx is bankrupt! All thanks to stupid gladdie. Just one outing with her cost me nearly $90. Every time I saw something nice, she would start chanting this: ' Buy BUY....hehe, just buy! 买嘛买嘛买嘛！' Damn irritating can? Somehow, in this lifetime I've known her, she was particularly persuasive on that day. My budget and self-control are now totally screwed up.

....I still have kbox on wednesday. *weeps*

你不是一个人 You are not alone

2007-07-19T00:46:00.000-07:00

A very very spastic mv. A whole troop of middle-aged men and women swaying their limbs.

But the lyrics is meaningful. It goes well with the music. You'll have mixed feelings after watching the mv.

http://www.56.com/u60/v_MTQ5MjgwMTc.html

你认识我不代表我会快乐

麻烦大了你才会被人记得

赢了输了想装做没发生过

怎么琢磨猜不透这个世界的脉搏

期货炒股好象名人的生活

牛了熊了日子一样不好过

啥时候火？很难预测

房价很高选秀很热男的也脱

怎么回事？结果火了潜规则

谁来解说我的声音需要润

得到多少又失去了什么

别怕你不是一个人

因为不只你一个人

为啥快乐又为谁而活着

别怕你不是一个人

因为不只你一个人

你喜欢我不证明我很出色

我拒绝你不代表我很本色

爱情工作还有更难的选择

爱要舍得又没有多少资本来挥霍

买车搭车租车哪个不塞车？

买房租房到底哪个更值得？

选择很多所以迷惑

你说我说他说都说听谁说

媒体忽悠朋友唠叨听谁的

谁来解说我的声音需要润

得到多少又失去了什么

别怕你不是一个人

因为不只你一个人

为啥快乐又为谁而活着

别怕你不是一个人

因为不只你一个人

gladdie n ahbu

2007-07-18T02:20:00.000-07:00

I've a new pet at home. It's a bird my dad found under a tree. Can't fly. Doesn't know how to eat on its own. Needs feeding. Needs attention. So strictly speaking, it's a chick.

Quite good-looking if you ask me. Greenish-brown feathers. Dirty-yellow around its cheeks. Round beady eyes and an orange beak.

But I can't bring myself to love it yet. Much to my annoyance, it chirps nonstop throughout the day as if its main purpose in life is to irritate me. And god knows why, it's always hitting high notes to challenge the limits of my eardrums. The worst thing is, it attracts the wrong attention. My cat's attention.

Does anyone know how painful my life is? I have a cat, a fish and a bird at home. It doesn't take a biologist to know I've 2 preys and 1 predator. And it doesn't take a mathematician to know that this equates to trouble. And NOISE.

'Meow meow meow (I wanna eat the bird and the fish)'
'Chirp chirp chirp (Get that bloody cat away from me)'
'bubbles bubbles bubbles (I shall drown myself if it comes to me instead)' *Fish bangs into the wall of the aquarium.

...Right, people. Give mummy a break. This reminds me of Malcolm in the Middle. Hi, meet the new Malcolm. He had a sex change.

Ok fine, I'm just exaggerating. Anyway, let me introduce to you the second ultimate combi. gladdie and delia. They met on the last day of the cosfest. Of course because I was there. I'm the medium. They can be the mode and the mean.

...Ya. Move on. During the cosfest, I chanced upon qiaoyun as well. She told me mario came too, so I called mario to ask her where she was. Unfortunately, she already left. Sigh. Back to the cyber world I guess.

I didn't find the competitions very interesting. Partly because the contestants were quite unprepared. But mostly because my favourite characters weren't participating. The most amusing characters were the most out-of-point characters. My favourite was the gundam which was made of cardboard. Very cheap-looking but the black humour is there. You got it.
The first runner-up is a polar bear which is completely unrelated to the cosfest. But I think that's why I liked it. The second runner-up is a Mojojo look-alike. Hahaha I know. I like spastic stuff.

I didn't stay for the results. I prefer to think that my polar bear won.
After all those stuff, I went to the beach with gladdie and left delia to indulge in her shooting. Gladdie was all particular about the water quality. She found most waters too dirty. So we travelled along the stretch of beach to find that last remaining uncontaminated water area. (Never mind the fact that all waters are interflowing.) When we finally found one clean enough to swim in, it started to rain...!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess bliss is short and sweet, always. 20 minutes of bliss to be exact.

One last thing before I go, should I name my fish yy?

Attention 09/05

2007-07-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

Kbox is on Wednesday, 25 July.
We are meeting at 130 at somerset mrt.
All are welcome.

Men and Wives

2007-07-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, I went out with the AJchess exco. Yan Ling was supposed to join us but I couldn't believe she just stood us up. Ok fine. She had something urgent. I shouldn't blame her.
Anyway, I ended up being the only girl there.

So the only thing we talked about was NS. Was rather boring at first because I had no idea what they were saying. They kept using technical terms and no one was telling jokes except me. The worst thing was that no one laughed because they've heard the jokes before. Can you imagine how upset I was?

To make things worse, the guys couldn't decide what to do or even where to go after lunch at Novena. (Why did they go there in the first place??) Everyone was just procrastinating. I remembered having the urge to kill jia wei because he kept saying 'anything'. Then guan quan was too preoccupied with teasing wei long's baby hair. Yick loong and I just stone and gave up.

To illustrate how spastic we were, let me describe to you what the situation was in the MRT station.
When we were on the escalator, we saw the train opening its doors. So we ran and ran and ran and ran all the way down, panting heavily......and STOPPED suddenly. ( Let's count. This is the first dash-and-stop we made)
Yick loong: ' Wait i think the doors are closing!'
Jia wei: ' Never mind la...then don't go in'
Me: ' What are you all doing?! Go in! ' ( Made the second dash-and stop.)
Guan quan: ' Eh so how....go in or not? '
Wei long: ' 够了, why are we standing here?'
Me: ' Go, just GO!' ( made the last dash with the rest but the doors shut in our faces. Third failed dash.)

Let me mention another thing. In the first dash-and-stop we made (Let's call it DAS), the closing doors had stopped midway and jerkily reopened. It was really like some sort of spasm. MRT大门经神失调综合症。And in the second DAS I made, the spastic train driver seating in the spastic train had noticed my spastic-ness, so he did it AGAIN. He made possible the second MRT door spasm in the world. As in there was seriously bounce and elasticity to the retraction of the doors. The driver eventually got fed up and shut the door in our face.

Obviously that was when the day brightened up. Because we discovered fresh entertainment.
( No, it's NOT DAS)

Ourselves.
If you are still interested to know. We missed ANOTHER train after that because it was too packed. -.-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After we finally made it onto the third train, we went AMK to play pool. Was really fun. I've grown to like pool even since I entered JC. The power of peer pressure. Haha ok, it's just peer influence. Then it was arcade time.

The only thing I've learnt from them was that in NS, lifeguards get to slack like hell. Or so says guan quan. But they do get weird chores like PLUCKING grass. No scissors? And they proved delia to be right about the rifles. They are the NSmen's wives. I still don't understand why those officers like to steal them.

So one wife is still not enough?

chara

2007-07-12T05:22:00.001-07:00

i can feel you stirring
the minutes the seconds the hours
the clock tickling
its hands casting stark shadows all over my face
re-drawing my outline
paraphrasing my expression

time turns my pages
writes my chapters
leaving dark inky trails
permanent stains
ink is inerasable
paper is unrinsable
my smiles are irreversible

do you wish to read my book?

the dictionary never understands the novel
the authors are all the same
mr time
miss time
mrs time
but they pretend they are all different
do praise their conspiracies

what is it like to make a book speak
perhaps the only time it stutters
is the time it vanishes
the flame licking its earlobes
the repeated noise of burning pages
the choking fumes of carbon dioxide
o no carbon monoxide
lingering in your over-shampooed hair

i feel the texture of the wood pulp
coarse and comforting
never glistening
too adorable to seduce you
too noble to save you
the spreading of hypocrisy

O with each additional stroke
time scratches across its face
the book is disfigured
like every other before itself
too many in the library
competing for dust
too many on the print
competing for wrappers
O but beauty is in the eye of the beholder
so hush

my fair maiden
wait for your gallant knight

those crazy things I thought of

2007-07-08T09:22:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, I went kbox with irene. For some reason, she was rather reluctant to sing. Such a waste of her money. Anyway, I have this new-found obessesion for Lee Hom's songs. I used to hate his songs because I hated his face.
... ...
Alright, it's not his face. His features are impeccable. I just disliked the way he presented himself. Made me want to tell him off in his face. I found him too conceited and satisfied with himself. It's not the right way for a human to live. What's with him man?

Maybe he was plain unlucky because he got my attention at my worst moment. I sorta directed all my anger at that stage of my life towards him . That stage of life which I never got over with.
So I never got over with my prejudice against him. No wonder he irked me so. His arrogance reminded me of my own.

At that time, I judged things, people and feelings too hastily. I judged everything by appearance. Yes I was dumb. And I created the worst moments of my life on my own. Not that if someone helped, I'll be grateful.

I wish I could rewrite history.
Regrets are the bitterest memories in the world. If not the universe.
And I'd like to think I am still too severe on myself. At least, I'll look like the victim.
How convenient.

No one will truly understand anyone else. But no one stops trying.
You don't want to be understood but...you do.

Change lane. Then on Friday, I went to chieh's house. There was obviously chieh herself, kim, huiwen and black hole. Played bridge and watched a sappy love story on TV. Chick flicks always test my patience. 'Notebook', it's called. I'd rather read a book.

Kim and chieh are leaving for England. Made me wonder about the myth of distance and life again. Departure. Are they freed from something by leaving their homes? What have they left behind? Their belongings, their friends, their moral burdens or maybe even their present personalities...? I envy you.

Is it relief that you feel when you start afresh? Or emptiness?
If I start anew, I'll cry like I've never cried before. Curse those I loved. Love those I cursed.

It's easier if you get amnesia.

I wanted to end it that way. But I realised I've forgotten to explain why I've started to accept Lee Hom. Not that it bothers you.
But it's good to just accept everything in life. Why fight it? Right?

Don't they always say this in comics?
笨蛋，你在挣扎什么？
Why bother fighting it?

Lee Hom, welcome to my life. (but I'll never buy your CD.)

it's ok

2007-07-07T09:52:00.000-07:00

Those things that I hated
Those things that you insisted on
And those things we blamed on god
it's ok

Sometimes the fault lies with me
Sometimes it's just you
Our differences make us real
but they keep us apart
I can never change you
I wouldn't change me

I don't know what to make of it
But it's still better than pretending that
everything's wonderful
I don't want to run away
...so don't (Or I'll kill you)

Understand?